THE LATEST LETTERS...

Yet another installment of "Dr. Reality Steve". Thank you for the continued letters and keep em' coming. Any questions, queries, comments, praises, criticisms, marital/relationship problems, anything you want to know about sex, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. I have all the answers. And they're right too.

As for "Reality Roundup"....don't ask. I have no idea. I'm having too much fun doing these letters. Let's get started...

Just reading your column online and wanted to comment on the reader from NM and their inquiries about e-harmony.

My experience...... IT'S CRAP!!!!!!! When you first sign up, you get a deluge of "matches" and remember, these are supposed to be people that you are "Compatible with on 29 dimensions... blah, blah, blah" well, it's pretty much the same as match.com or yahoo personals or any other dating site. The only thing is e-harmony is in control of who you are matched with and I don't think there is any "weeding out" going on. At least with match.com, you can pick and choose from anyone that has a profile.

Oh and by the way, let's talk about those profiles. After reading a gazillion of them from various websites, they all start to sound the same. I find it hilarious that so many men love to "snuggle up with that special someone in front of the fireplace" or they will have a bath and candles waiting for us when we come home from a hard day at work. Is that what men are thinking is romantic these days??? PLEASE!!! I would rather hear that you would clean my bathroom and vacuum. And also they are all "laid back kind of guy", and "like to work hard and play hard". I think they are just cutting and pasting from other profiles.

Finally, I don't think people are having any more luck with e-harmony than any of the other sites, because I see the profiles of the same men that I was matched with on eharmony on match.com and yahoo personals and they have been on those sites for months.

By the way, I'm in Minnesota and that has been my experience.

Sincerely,
"Matchless in Minnesota"

Matchless,

I loved this email. Kinda proves my point about the online dating thing. It's all hit and miss. But more often than not, it's miss. And miss by a mile. I've never done E-Harmony as I've mentioned before, but any service that wants to know everything about my childhood through adult years, I'm not giving any money too.

I love how you fill out the 50 page profile for E-Harmony, and based on what someone else filled out, you're given these list of people you're "matched" with. Really? What if someone was screwing around and didn't take those answers seriously? Gee, can't wait to meet my "match". Is E-Harmony more serious than other sites? Hell if I know. I can't imagine it is though.

You mean to tell me that guys who post their profile on dating sites are cheesy? No f-ing way! Hey, I've done match.com and the last thing I would ever do is run a bunch of B.S. about how I like "long walks on the beach", "candlelit dinners", and that I give "killer back massages". Please. Ladies, if that's in a guy's profile, you can't possibly take him seriously. That's not him. Sure, you might get a few back rubs in the beginning, but the minute he's getting laid, all bets are off. "I work hard and play hard"? If there is a more puke-inducing sentence than that in a guys profile, I don't know what it is. "I'm a laid back person?" Woops. I've used that one. What's wrong with that? At least I'm being honest. I'm laid back almost to a fault.

I think every mailbag we've had has had at least one letter regarding an online dating story. And I'll repeat myself for those that missed it the first three times. You're getting what you pay for. Go in with zero expectations, and you'll never be disappointed. I learned the hard way.

Dear Reality Steve,

First, thank you for always making me laugh my butt off during the Bachelor...your reviews are almost always the only entertaining part of the show.Second, I need some advice. A couple of weeks ago, I suddenly got an email from an ex-boyfriend of mine who I hadn't talked to in FOUR YEARS. This is a guy who broke my heart so bad I moved 1,000 miles away from him...he was my best friend at the time, we did everything together, buthe suddenly decided that he "wasn't ready" for a relationship and needed space (although I should point out he was extremely jealous when I would even talk to other guys after we broke up...um, hello, you broke up with me!!!)...whatever...

Anyway, we kept in touch for the first few months after I moved, but he couldn't handle it when I started dating someone, he would get upset over the phone, so I broke off contact with him...that was four years ago...Then, the email...basically, he said "You might hate me for this, but I was just thinking about you...blah, blah...send me an email back if you want, let me know how you're doing"...I sent him one back, telling him about my life, etc...he emailed me back again, mentioning he's been "perpetually single", that's he's only had one girlfriend since me...now, my first thought was, is he hinting at something? Is he wishing he had another chance? But then, yesterday, he emails me again and starts talking about a blind date he's going on and how hot the girlapparently is, as well as his new apartment downtown and how it's great for "the bachelor lifestyle", ie: bringing home chicks.

WTF???

I guess my first question is, why suddenly an email out of the blue, four years later? And secondly, why an email now talking about him hooking up with girls? What is going through his head? And what should I do/say to him about it?Oh, and did I mention that he didn't have my personal email address??? He emailed me at work, and he didn't know where I was working, which means he must have Googled me or something. That's a lot of work, don't you think???

Signed,
Confused in Canada

Dear Confused,

Wow. Where do I begin? Well, let's see.....your ex is horny. The End.

Why would an ex call you back after four years of absolutely zero contact? To see how your life has improved without him? To see if you're in your dream job, married to your dream husband, with your dream house that has the white picket fence? No and no. He emailed you after four years for one reason and one reason only: nookie. You have what he wants. Again.

The whole thing with bringing up all the hot girls he's dating and what not, that's just to see how you'd react. By you not giving a crap, he realizes he's got a long way to go. Remember, he did mention he's only had one real girlfriend since you. Why would he tell you that? To earn some points with you. It's kind of his backhanded way of saying, "I royally f***ed up with you, and I'm throwing this line out there after 4 years to see if you'll take the bait."

Now, you haven't addressed the fact if you were bothered by his email. Kinda hard to tell someone's emotions through an email, but if I had to guess, I'm thinking you're a little creeped out by it. As you should be. Since you haven't responded back yet (I don't think), you have no idea where he really is in his life. Let me give you my guess: He still lives in his bachelor apartment, his place is a mess, there are macaroni-n-cheese boxes all over the place, he's put on 20 lbs since you last saw him, and his job sucks.

It's up to you whether or not you want to respond and how you want to proceed, but just know he's contacting you just to see if you still think about him, or if you'd ever hook up with him again. That's it and nothing else. All the other stuff he says about other girls - is either B.S. trying to make you jealous, or B.S. to try and get a reaction out of you one way or another.

And no, I've never tried to get back with an ex after four years. Please. It was only two years.

So....here's my question. What's the deal with guys and sex on a date? I realize there is no "set" time, in the sense that all guys are different. Some don't care if you sleep w/them on the first date, they'll still want to see you. Others run like wildfire! However, it drives me crazy.

If I like a guy, am physically attracted to him and sleep w/him on the, say, third date...why does that become the FINAL date. The whole reason i slept w/the guy in the first place was because I liked him and want to see him AGAIN!

Men really make no sense. At least you know with the ones that run because you DON'T have sex with, you've lost nothing to them!

Donna

Donna,

You have run into a problem that's been around since the beginning of time. It's an epidemic that's continuing to sweep the nation, and it doesn't look like there's a stop to it anytime soon. The problem? Men are pigs. Plain and simple. There's really no rhyme or reason to what we ever do, say, or think.

Sometimes you think we actually make sense, when in all reality, we just want to get laid. Sometimes you think we're the funniest guy you've been around, when in all reality, we just want to get laid. And sometimes we'll surprise you with the most romantic gesture ever, when in all reality, we BETTER get laid.

I can tell Donna has been burned recently by some guy she slept with who never called her again. I will say this Donna: There was a reason he didn't call. It may have to do with you, it may have to do with him, it may have to do with someone else....but just know there is a reason he didn't call. It's just a reason you'll probably never know. And if you did, I guarantee it would be a reason you totally thought was ridiculous anyway. That's just the way we are sometimes. So no, we don't make any sense. Stop trying to figure us out because we can't figure ourselves out.

Hi Steve,
I love your Bachelor column (like many, I read it without bothering to actually watch the show) but this advice thing may be even better. While I'd like to see you make money on it, don't sell out to some publication that will put you under an editor who will take out words like "beyotch" and water down all your advice.

On to my question. It's actually not advice, I'm happily married, hot husband, your basic nauseating couple, though we keep the PDA to a minimum. My question is: why are you still single? You are hilarious, good looking from what I can tell on your myspace page and you say you're 6'2" so you're probably at least 5'10". You understand women, and you watch our tv shows. Maybe the brutal honesty turns some women off but I'd think that's an advantage more often than not. I have to assume this is a matter of choice rather than necessity, but if I was single and you didn't live in Texas...rowr. And I'm not even that psycho. There must be others out there.

PM

PM,

Wellllllllll.....pull up a chair why don't ya', and let me tell a bunch of strangers a story about why Reality Steve is single.

First off PM, feel free to divorce your husband. Happily married, schmappily married. Start the proceedings now, then move to Texas. Your problems will be immediately solved.

Why am I single? Honestly, I don't know. I don't think I necessarily put out too much of an effort to go meet people, and the most recent ones I've dated, well, they've either been fake, or were liars. Or both. Great combination. And if there's one thing I cannot stand, its being lied to. Most people probably don't like being lied to, but for me, its a dealbreaker immediately.

Yes, I am 6'2". That's not a stretch. And I wear a size 12 shoe. Oh, you didn't ask that? Well, I just figured that would've been your next question. Or something like that.

I mean, I'm a great guy really. I love long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, giving back massages, I'm totally laid back, but I work hard, and I play hard. Who wouldn't want that?

In all seriousness, I think the TV watching might weird some people out. Let's face it, it's a pretty big part of my life, and it's not for everyone. I have my shows that I'm dedicated to and that I watch religiously. Some people can't deal with that. And those people aren't for me. You don't have to like what I watch, or have the same interests as me, but you can respect them. However, it's not like if there was a special event going on, or, my girlfriend wanted to have sex, that I'd put it off for a TV show. C'mon. I'd just have it on in the background.

Does the brutal honesty hurt me? Hmmmm....I don't know. No one's ever told me that's the reason they didn't like me. So I continue to do it. But let's face it, "Reality Steve" is a very exaggerated version of who I really am. I mean, you do understand this, right? I'm not this chauvanistic, people. And I don't really care about breasts as much as I claim to. Well, maybe I do. Just kidding. I think.

And thank you for the "Rowr". I don't think anyone has ever growled at me in that way. There needs to be more "Rowr"-ing in my life. I've just decided that. Me likey.

Anyway, I always thought I'd be the first one of my friends to get married. And now, I'm the last. But it doesn't bother me all that much. Would I like to meet someone and start a family? Of course. But there's no need to force it. All the best relationships I've had have just kinda happened. So I guess that's where I'm at: It's gonna happen or its not, and going out looking for it isn't the best way to approach it. I'm single, I'm not dating right now, and I'm fairly content with that. It's not like I'm so desperate to where I'm gonna beg and plead through my column to start taking date offers. That is just shameless, and frankly, embarrassing.

Anyone want to go out with me? Now accepting all applications. Send to : steve@realitysteve.com. First come, first serve.