9.23.04 9.30.04 10.7.04 10.20.04 10.27.04 11.3.04 11.10.04 11.17.04 11.24.04 QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? EMAIL ME THE BACHELOR 6 LINKS	THE BACHELOR 6 9.30.04 Having technical problems is never a good thing. Basically, the whole website got shut down for some ridiculous reason. Wrong credit card # on file, billing side gets shut down, notification email that gets sent to an address I never check, you know, the usual stuff. Very fun. And lemme tell ya’, there’s nothing more exciting than talking to Yahoo! techs to help you with your problems. They’re always so cheerful, and helpful, and are never very condescending at all. Whatever they’re paying those guys, it’s not nearly enough. I need to speak with their manager. Can I fill out one of those survey cards? The 9 people that I’ve spoken to have been just a flat out pleasure to deal with. Bravo. Everyone give a warm, standing ovation to the Yahoo! Tech people. Let’s begin… -Host Chris, whose reduced role so far this season I’m sure has many disappointed, appears right away with some big news for the facelift crew. Big surprise. There will be two new houseguests for the ladies to drool over. Who will they be? Is Host Chris kicking off his shoes and moving in with the ladies? Will it already be the return of two former “All-Star” bachelorettes? Why are they calling these girls “All-Stars” anyway? This isn’t “Survivor.” They weren’t the best in their season. They’re losers. They didn’t win. What makes them All-Stars? Can’t we just call them the two rejects from season’s past? Good. Done. Where was I? Oh yeah. The two new houseguests for the ladies. Not that we didn’t know this already, but Byron and the dog are moving in. Now, it’s not like this guy is right downstairs on the couch every night. No, he’s away in a guesthouse. Good idea, but they could’ve done a lot more with this. Why not just have Byron sleep in a different room every night, and the girls get to play “Find the Mullet in your Nightie” before they go to bed? -The reason for moving Big By in with the ladies is done for two reasons, I assume. Number one, they’ve never done it before. And we know how since this show is becoming more and more predictable every season, they gotta try something new. Whether it sucks or not, gotta try it. The second reason is what they’re claiming, “Gives Byron a chance to get to know each of the women better.” Oh yes it does. Can you imagine the horror on Mr. Velvick’s face when early in the morning, he tries to sneak into the ladies’ room for a quickie and God forbid, one of these women has her Noxema on and the cucumbers are still over her eyes? That’s catastrophic. Someone’s liable to kill themselves if that happens. And that’s entertainment. -So, as sort of a housewarming gift, three of the ladies get to decorate Byron’s room for him. Since I’m typing this Sunday night, and my memory sucks, I don’t have the darndest clue as to who in the hell the three were who helped him. Whoever they were, they didn’t do that bang up of a job. “Queer Eye” they were not. Instead of being all cutsie, and girly-ing up his room, they should’ve decorated it like Byron probably wanted it. Like a freakin’ mess. Throw his clothes all over the floor, have his rods stashed away in the corner, and set them up knowing they’ll eventually all fall to the ground in a big clump (I said rods again). And someone do me a favor and throw his s**t-kicking boots in the garbage. Ugh-lee. Byron put on a good face in the end, but you know he wanted to tear that room apart the minute the ladies left. -Tanya from Plano, Texas says that she’s “tired of the dating scene.” Oh God. How many times has someone uttered that phrase on this show? Isn’t it a prerequisite to even get on the show? I mean, you can’t necessarily go into your interview and blurt out, “I love dating. I date three times a week. This’ll just be another guy to add to my list. And if I end up actually liking him, maybe I’ll keep him around for a couple extra weeks.” Thanks for that, Tanya. Glad you’re tired of it. We’re glad that you’re glad. Although, my family lived in Plano, Texas during my freshman year of college. So maybe I shouldn’t be so harsh on Tanya. Someone needs to powder her face up before she gets on camera. She’s glowing. -Byron takes Kelly aside for a private one-on-one. Kelly: “My last relationship ended 7 months ago. It lasted two years. That’s pretty much how long they usually last.” Really? That long? You mean, even with that jacked up smile of yours, guys haven’t left you earlier than that? If I had to guess, and this is strictly guessing on my part, but if I had to guess which girl in the house has had the most surgery done to herself from the waist up and how much did it cost, my vote would be for Kelly. And she’s had probably well over $20 grand of work done to her grill. And it’s still crooked. Maybe that’s why she’s going home tonight. -Byron’s chilling in the kitchen with all the girls as they try and suck up to him. Doesn’t seem to be working too great. Except for Andrea. She takes the bull by the horns and makes Byron a sandwich. Wow. Talk about smacking of desperation. “Here Byron, I made you a sandwich. Hope you like it. I took a whole two pieces of bread and stuffed some lunchmeat in between it. It took a good 45 seconds. Hope you give me a rose.” Hey, how do we know what kinda sandwiches this guy likes? Or better yet, how does she know? I guess when you’ve been living with someone for a whole two hours, you kinda catch on to these things. -So Byron gets two solo dates today, and he gets to choose both. There will be no group dates. Noooooooooo!!!!!! Group dates rule. Especially when there’s that one girl who complains about not getting along time after not receiving a rose. Then you always inevitably get that one girl on the group date who’s practically undressing herself in front of the guy to get his attention. Always a crash and burn mission there. So anyway, Byron sets out an invitation for his first date. Krysta the Egghead runs out to see if it’s for her, because, like, she totally thinks she deserves it. And who can blame her? I can already tell Byron is attracted to bleached blonde Oklahoman rolly polley’s. Uhhh, it’s not for you, dear. Step aside and let the others through. -The invitation went to Cheresse, the first girl he gave a rose to at the last ceremony (Hmmmm…didn’t I say she’d be around for a while? I’m good). The Egg is completely blown away by these turn of events and starts blowing off some steam. Eggy: “How have I failed not to make enough of an impression to get the 1st date?” Oh, I don’t know. You’re ugly, for one. Secondly, you don’t even realize it. Do you know that on Krysta’s profile, when asked to give three words to describe herself, one of the words she used was "striking”? Striking? As in the “clock-striking-twelve-which-is-why-I’m-shaped-like-a-pumpkin”? That I can see. How about just striking me across the face with a spiked club next time this girl refers to herself as “striking”? Go away, troll. -Cheresse comes right out in the open when Byron your Neighborhood Fisherman asks why she’s single. Cheresse: “I’ve usually dated commitment phobes- guys that aren’t ready to be committed.” Byron jumps right in with, “Well, I’m not a commitment phobe. I’ve been married. I think you should look at me differently if I was 40 and WASN’T married.” Dude shutup. All you need to know about Byron is at this website: www.forevergwen.com. That’s his ex-wife. Need I say more? Gee, and you wonder why she chose the “city life” over him? Shocking. I never thought brass pole and clear heels would be in this girl’s future. Looks like she has so much going for her. -So Byron and Cheresse head to some rented out club in L.A. where they’ll have dinner and be treated to a performance by Brandy. Did anyone else find this scene completely awkward? I mean, I have no problem with them going into a place, having dinner, then they move to another room to watch a performance. But they walk into an empty bar, yet there’s Brandy and her five sexually confused back-up dancers performing some dance number? Odd. Geez, at least let the people sit down and get settled. And in a nice, romantic setting like that, why is she grinding with her hair stylist dancers like there’s a group orgy about to happen? That whole scene made me want to spray vomit everywhere. And you ain’t foolin’ anyone Brandy. We know you’re act. You and that fake marriage you pulled just so your image wouldn’t take a hit when you basically got knocked up on accident. Classy girl. And I won’t even talk about that performance in “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.” And after all the trouble they go through to have the club rented out, and get someone like Brandy to perform, you’d think she’d perfrom live? Nope. Hell of a lip synch job, girl. Vanilli would be proud. Or is Manilli the one that’s still alive? -Back at the house, our first memorable shot of the Oklahoman Egghead as she’s standing in the kitchen, butt naked, wearing only an apron. Man, this chick just spews class. And if there’s anyone in that house in need of some silicone injections, it’s her. She could seriously hurt someone if she doesn’t watch where that thing is flopping around. She’s disgusting. I officially want her off the show. Remember how we all hated Trish, yet there was a sense of excitement and she at least kept it entertaining when she was around? Uhhhh, not so much with Krysta. Annoying, shameless, and utterly repulsive would be the best way I could describe her. Thank you for showing that, ABC. I’ll now go on a hunger strike. -Back to Byron and Cheresse and their boring date. Please just tell me Brandy will never appear on this show again. Please. Jon Secada. Michael Bolton. Hell, I’ll even take Right Said Fred. Just make sure Brandy stays as far away from the “Bachelor” series as possible. Byron’s back on the marriage thing. Byron: “I’m still hopeful and I still believe in marriage.” Well, let’s hope so. I mean, this is the “Bachelor”. They are looking for a bachelor to eventually get married. Not that it stopped any of the previous goons from using the show as a steppingstone to land as much tail as possible. But please, humor us Byron. At least convince us for 2 months that you will at least wait 2 months before breaking up with whoever you choose. Just because you’re 40, and just because ABC is begging one of these “Bachelor” shows to have at least an ounce of integrity, please stick around for a bit. And while you’re at it, screw with Krysta’s emotions. Tell her how beautiful she is and how she’s perfect wife material, then when you dump her, make sure she’s completely scarred for life by this experience. I’m really not a mean guy. I just have it out for trash who doesn’t think they’re trash. -While Byron’s out on his horrible date, one of the geniuses back at the mansion decides to write Byron a letter, pick some roses from the garden, and put it at his door so he’ll have it when he gets home. Kristie is this genius. Of course, Krysta will have none of that and does the same thing. And picks even bigger flowers from the garden so she can one-up Kristie. Egg girl claims she never saw Kristie do this, and she thought of this all by herself. Kristie doesn’t believe her, we don’t believe her, the producers don’t believe her, but it won’t matter. Byron will think it’s a kind gesture by both ladies I’m sure. Although, it seemed like the note Krysta gave him was single-spaced and about a page and half long. What is she writing to this guy? Since today’s world is run by computers and no one really handwrites anything anymore (do they even teach that still in grammar school?), here’s a rule that should be made: If you have that bubbly chick writing, and you write your little letter with the orange ink on purple paper, you MUST double space from now on. Don’t you understand? We can’t read a word of that. I think I speak for most guys on this when I say that anything we have to struggle at reading that isn’t on white paper, is going directly in the trash. -Commercial. I guess 20/20 this past weekend had on the ex-wife of George Bush’s brother. Wow. That’s a catch right there. I’m sure all the networks were looking grab her. What a find. She’s estranged from the family, they don’t like her, she’s an outcast, blah blah blah. Gimmie a good interview. Put a camera in front of those two liquored up Bush sisters after and all night bender. That’s what we want to see. Like I care about Sandra Bush. Before last Wednesday, I’d never even heard of this woman. Now I’m supposed to care? But if those two little hooker daughters had a story to tell about the group orgy they were in a couple weeks ago, count me in. The interview aired Friday night. I never saw it. I’m sure I didn’t miss anything. Did I? Unless she told 20/20 she had a one night affair with George that consisted of plates of blow, leather chains, and some Astroglide, we don’t want to hear about it. -Kristie wants to confront Ms. Egg to tell her that she’s upset she stole her idea. Eggy isn’t too thrilled with this accusation and says she never saw Kristie put the letter and flowers on Byron’s door. Kristie says it happened no more than 10 minutes after she did hers, that she saw her Eggness do the same thing. Whatever. They can debate this all day. The most interesting aspect of these two’s discussions, was that Kristie basically showed all of America her ass while sitting on the chair. Did she know this? Couldn’t a producer have said, “Excuse me, Kristie, I know we’re contractually obligated not to say anything to you, but you might want to close up there before another small movement causes 9 million people to check out your hoo ha.” And notice I said “9 million”. Yes, the ratings are down from the previous three series. I guess 40 year old, divorced, pro bass fisherman didn’t quite capture the hearts of Americans after all. Definitely a head scratcher there. -There is some major happenings brewing with one of the ladies. Leina wants out. Apparently after 48 hours of living with a 40 year old, divorced, pro bass fisherman, she realized what a god awful mistake she made, and now wants to leave because she’s in love with her best friend back home. This has the ladies, the viewers, and I’m sure everyone involved with the show, asking themselves the exact same thing, “Who’s Leina?” This definitely was learning experience for Leina. She’ll be a different person in the future because of it. Not only emotionally, but physically and spiritually as well. We wish her the best. I’m glad she got two weeks worth of material to add to her resume tape. Good luck. -Jayne the dog groomer has won Byron’s affections for his second solo date. Egg Woman again was none too happy. Probably not just because she again was overlooked for the solo date, but that she was overlooked for a dog groomer. Obviously, with Byron’s unhealthy attachment to Sabrina, Jayne has something going for her. And if you think a threesome joke doesn’t cross my mind every time I see Byron and Jane together, well, then you don’t know me that well. Despite Jayne’s love for canine’s, she knows she needs to overcome her shyness. Jayne: “If I don’t open up, I won’t be getting a rose.” Why can I see Jayne flying under the radar this whole show, only to somehow end up in the final two and winning this thing. She’s 37, relatively attractive, loves dogs like Byron, and can probably close up shop on her “dog grooming” career and move it westward if the situation called for it. Don’t worry about the shyness, Jayne. Byron’s not necessarily the socialite either, you know, being a professional fisherman at all. Do you know how many conversations a day he has with people that aren’t dogs? Ummm….none. He talks to his dogs, and he talks to his fish. Everyday. That’s his life. Oh yeah. And I’m sure he talks to that stripper ex-wife of his to find out what shift she’s working. -So Byron decides to take Jayne on a date of what he likes to do: fish. I’m sure Jayne is thrilled beyond belief to get a chance to watch Byron fish. Actually, she is. Jayne: “There’s nothing like seeing a man in his element.” Really? Nothing beats that? Well, considering I have no other discernable skills, does that mean watching me sitting in my boxers at midnight typing away would get someone all hot and bothered? Uhhh, I seriously doubt it. And especially if this guy’s “element” is fishing. Please. Casting his pole into the water, then sitting there waiting for a bite? That’s supposed to be the Jayne panty remover? Hmmmmm…find that hard to believe. -To Byron, this is his dream date. Gets to do what he wants while the woman allegedly gets warm and fuzzy over it. Byron: “Jane’s falling in love with what I love.” Ummm, and you know this how? I don’t remember her saying that. In fact, I don’t remotely remember her even hinting at that. If you’ve gotten Jayne to fall in love with sitting in a boat, with the feet kicked up, and poppin’ open a few beers, you are a better man than I Mr. Velvick. You might as well just start passing out the Kool-Aid and black Nike shoes. You could make a lot of money out of this. Then when your up on the mothership, say hi to those unfortunate souls who cut off their nuts and ate apple sauce before popping those cyanide pills. -Commercial. “Raise Your Voice” with Hilary Duff opens up soon. Some people in the media are actually calling her a “triple threat” star because she can sing, she’s acted on TV, now she’s on the big screen. Hold it right there. Cute? Yes. Good at catfighting with Lindsay Lohan? Yes. A triple threat star? Let’s hold off please. Ms. Lizzie McGuire hasn’t done jack yet. As far as I know, Disney movies rarely get nominated for Best Picture, and I’m guessing none of them ever will. The day “Raise Your Voice” takes home an award other than a Razzie, is the day you can start calling her a triple threat star. I’ve seen two previews for “Raise Your Voice”. I’ll just take a wild stab at the plot: Small town girl tries to make it big, the odds are against her, and in the end, she becomes successful. And along the way she meets some cute guy she gets to first base with. The End. Don’t think for a second I won’t bet there opening night either. -So Jayne and Byron are somewhere on their date where it’s dark, there’s a porch, and small row boat. My first thought was: “They’re at ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’”. I was waiting for them to get on their boat and start heading up the ramp. Actually, they didn’t. They did more fishing. I hope shoving his rod down this chick’s throat is working, cuz’ I’d be bored stiff If I were her. We get it. You fish. For income. Please, enough already. But apparently not for Jayne. She’s buying it hook, line, and sinker. Heee heee hee. Whoo hooo hooo. Haaaa haaaa haaaa. I crack myself up sometimes. No, not at the “hook, line, and sinker” reference. But the fact that a few sentences back I wrote in succession “shoving his rod down this chick’s throat” and just left it alone. Very rarely do I do that. I usually like pointing out what a pig I can be. Not this time. You figure it out for yourself. -Byron, being the gentleman that he is, decides to switch places with Jayne in the boat for fear of it tipping over. Gee, that probably didn’t make her too self-conscious about her weight. “Here, move on this side so you’re fat ass doesn’t sink us.” Nice one, slick. As Jayne is petrified out of her mind while they’re trying to switch sides, Byron offers no help whatsoever, as I was half expecting him to rock the boat and force her overboard in sort of a “Daniel-san-Miyagi-like” bonding session. Nice manners, prick. Anyway, I think Jayne caught her first fish on her first cast and Byron practically wet himself over this. I know it’s possible to do, but please, with all the editing on this show, how long did that really take? 2-3 hours? Not only did she catch the fish, she kissed it. I think these two are looking at a long future together. -Back at the house, we have a major announcement from one of the ladies. It’s Leina. It’s time for her to tell everyone about her decision to leave and make a giant mistake by telling her best friend she’s in love with him. The ladies can’t believe it. Some of them even have the ability to force a few tears out. Which is a pretty big accomplishment considering their tear ducts have probably been closed off for years since their respective surgeries. They give a fake group hug like how the women’s gymnastics team gives one another after someone’s performance. Pretty odd, isn’t it? You’re competing as a team, yet, you’re also competing individually against each other. I don’t blame them for the fake hugs. That’s gotta be rough. Especially since they’ve all been treated like slaves since about the age of six trying to get to where they’re at. That’s a healthy life. People think soccer parents or tennis parents are bad. How about the gymnastics parents that let their cute little daughter start mutating into a genetic freak before their first school dance? Anyway, Leina’s leaving and the girls don’t care even though they’re pretending they do. -Back to Byron and Jane at dinner, and Jayne is explaining some of her shyness saying that usually she’s the one being pursued, so she’s not used to this situation, and frankly, she’s clueless at what to do. Jayne: “I need to make it happen.” Yes you do, honey. Here’s a little advice from Love Doctor Steve. Take off your clothes and do him in the boat. I guarantee that’ll make it happen quicker than you can ever imagine. Byron dropping anchor on more than one occasion for Jayne might really ease her shyness. Hey, it’s just a suggestion. -More note writing. Instead of waiting for Byron to come back and tell him face-to-face about her mistake, Leina leaves Byron a little note telling him how great of a time she had, and he’s got great girls to choose from, and blah blah blah blah. I’d have ripped that note up before the 2nd sentence if a chick voluntarily left the show I was on. What’s Leina thinking? It’s Byron. The Fisherman. What does her best friend at home possibly have better to offer other than probably a good job, and man’s haircut, less baggage, and more stability? Is Leina crazy? She’s passing up the opportunity of a lifetime to move to Vegas, live on a lakehouse as far away from civilization as you can get, and watch Byron boat and fish all day. Girl, you crazy. -Commercial. Boy, ABC sure has promoted the hell out of two shows this fall season, “Lost” and “Wife Swap”. “Lost” I can understand. I’ve watched both episodes. Very good. Entertaining, completely unpredictable, and basically no one will have a clue as to what’s going on until the very end. Good show. As for “Wife Swap”, Fox already stole the idea and ran with it in “Trading Spouses”. Please. ABC can call it the “Original International Phenomenon” all they want, but we saw it two months ago when Fox started airing it. Same thing. Redneck mom switches places with city mom who’s never seen a day of work, or cooked a day in her life. Then s**t happens, redneck mom misses home cooked meals with the kids, and city mom discovers theirs more to life than maids and caviar. Every single episode is exactly the same. And I still watch. -They’ve added a new twist to this season, and that’s these “Last Chance Meetings”. Byron picks three girls that he wants one last chance to talk to. Could be because he wants to spend more time with them. Could be because he’s on the fence and wants to find out their motives. Could be because he wants to grope them one last time. We don’t know. In this episode, it completely replaced the last dinner party. No one got to spend any time with Byron before these Last Chance Meetings. Oooooh, scandalous. And you’ll never guess what Humpty Dumpty shaped figure disliked this the most when she wasn’t picked for this either? -The three girls Byron chose were Natalie, Jayne, and Kristie. Natalie was first and had some reservations about how he was previously married. I think Byron hemm’ed and haw’ed about marriage, and he loved it, no regrets, life experience, strippers make excellent money, you know, the usual stuff. Byron: “I haven’t really felt a solid connection with Natalie.” Gee, doesn’t have anything to do with the fact she wasn’t thrilled you shacked up with a stripper now, would it? I’d have reservations too. Guys are so insecure. -Jayne was up next, and you could tell that he brought her in because he wanted to look at her like a piece of candy again. Yeah, he might’ve played it off like he wanted her to open up more, but we really know what he was after. Jayne: “It’s so hard for me to make the first move.” C’mon Jayne. Please. You’re 37 years old and you’re a dog groomer. You must have tens of opportunities to wow guys with your grooming stories. Making the first move should be the least of your concerns. Plus, if you listen to any advice Love Doctor Steve has for you, you’ll be golden. Trust me. In the boat, under the moonlight, with Sabrina watching, and you’ll have a ring on your finger in no time. -Kristie gets the final Last Chance meeting, and boy did she suck up. My God, you could practically hear the slurping sounds through the television set. Kristie: “Oh my God, I totally fish with my brother all the time, and I love camping, and oooooohhhhh, I love ride Harley’s.” Where the hell did they find this chick? Calm down lady. Quit selling yourself. Start selling Krysta down the river. We know you hate her. Start talking s**t about her so we can see more catfighting. This is unacceptable. You’re trying waaay too hard when all Byron really brought you in for was to take a look at the goods. -So while these three are getting their final groveling time with Byron, Andrea the headcase is freaking out. She’s crying. Did someone say something bad about her? No. Did Byron blow her off? Not really. Is she out of lunchmeat for her sandwich tomorrow? I don’t know. Is Krysta shaped like Mork’s spaceship? Most definitely. Andrea’s crying because that’s what schizo’s do when they’re bored. She’s just a nervous wreck, has no clue where Byron’s head is at, and thinks she’s getting eliminated. Which should’ve been the #1 clue as to why she wasn’t getting eliminated. Here’s a rule of thumb if you’re going to be on this show: If you’re make for good T.V., you’re staying. I’m not saying that Byron’s decisions are swayed in any way by the producers, but doesn’t it just seem kinda funny that it’s never 4 or 5 boring people that are left at the end of these shows? I hate to become Oliver Stone here, but someone might want to look into this. Put it this way: Jesse’s best friend, a girl he trusted enough to bring her on the show to spy for him, and a girl he banged on numerous occasions back at the University of Florida, told him that Trish was not the girl for him and she’d stop being his friend if he chose her, even Jesse kept her around til the Final Four. Draw your own conclusions. -Rose Ceremony time. Pretty funny, considering he’s narrowing the field down from 14 to 10, and we know about 5 girls names and personalities (Remember, it’s only 14 cuz’ Leina eliminated herself over her friend back home. Can we get an update on what the verdict was on that one before the “Reunion Special”? Thank you). Byron is now speaking for he and Sabrina at this Rose Ceremony. Byron: “We really enjoy being here. Thanks for welcomign me in the house.” Yeah, yeah. Speaking of Sabrina, how come we never saw Kelly’s dog this episode? Did Sabrina eat her? Was there footage ABC refused to show for fear of PETA getting involved? Someone needs to get to the bottom of this now. Tanya: She had a red everything on. Probably even a red thong. Or G. Or nothing. But for the love of God, will someone powder her up. The shine is blinding me. Amanda: So does Estella count as one of the “All Stars”? This is frightening how similar they look. Elizabeth: Who? Cheresse: Only one so far to give him a kiss on the lips. Probably because she got one of the solo dates and they did it while Brandy wasn’t looking. Andrea: You may stop shaking now and put down the sharp objects. Suzie: Her and her crazy, whack, glowing green eye liner somehow got to stick around another week. Jayne: I wonder if next date, he’ll take her on Space Mountain. Or the Teacups. Kristie: Kristie: “You make me wet.” Oh, she said “sweat”? My bad. I thought we had our first Rose Ceremony orgasm. Krysta: Byron: “Krysta, will you accept this rose?” Krysta: “Hell yeah.” Eight seasons of this show and we have our first “Hell yeah” at the Rose Ceremony. Can’t wait til’ next week when she accepts by saying “Rock on”. -“Ladies….Byron….final rose tonight….when you’re ready.” Just one time I want to see the guy blurt out the last girls name right before Host Chris is about regurgitate his favorite line ever. There’s got to be an internet poll going around on what reality TV show phrase is most likely to make you take your own life. Well, if there isn’t, I’m starting one now, here are the choices: “Once the votes are read, the decision is final, the person with the most votes must leave the Tribal Council area immediately. I’ll read the votes.” “The most dramatic Rose Ceremony ever.” “Ladies….Douchebag….this is the final rose tonight.” Cynthia: All I know about her is she won’t win. We’ve barely heard a thing from this chick. -Host Chris: “Ladies, if you did not receive a rose…time to say your goodbyes (guitar solo).” That’s a good riff. Someone mix that up and put it on a CD. And be sure to hock it with a bunch of collector’s items from season’s past: Firestone’s acne cream, a videotape of Guiney’s sit down with the producers going over every detail that had to be met before he agreed to do the show, Palmer’s used condom wrappers, Ryan’s collection of horses**t poetry, and Ian’s lightsaber. Some charity would be mighty wealthy putting this stuff up for auction. -So next week is the return of the two former “All Stars”. Speculation one of them is definitely Mary from Bob’s season. You know, the one who’s biological clock is equivalent to that of a time bomb. And I guess the second girl is someone from Season 1, which I didn’t watch. So I have no clue who that is. All we know is, the catty ladies already in the house, become more catty when two more walk in and try to steal their fisherman. They will have none of that. More late night notes, more late night fights, and more late night nookie. Can’t wait.