FINALE 2nd TO LAST EPISODE 3rd TO LAST EPISODE QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? EMAIL ME	JOE MILLIONAIRE 2nd TO LAST EPISODE Damn. If I knew last night’s show was going to be a freakin’ recap of Joe Blow’s dates with Bondage girl and Zora the Bore, I wouldn’t have rushed back from Staples Center after seeing RAW. By the way, after Vince McMahon announced Eric Bischoff has to face Stone Cold Steve Austin at the next pay-per-view and the show went off the air, Stone Cold came out and got in Bischoff’s face. He stunned Chief Morley about 8 times, and I swear to you, it was like the Lakers won their 4th title in a row. The minute his music hit, the place went bonkers. I think a lot of people suspected if Stone Cold was going to appear, he was going to appear on the show. But once it went off the air, I think everyone in the building thought it was over and they wouldn’t see him. A lot of people even pulled the old Dodger Stadium trick and started to leave early. Needless to say, a pleasant surprise for these ‘billies when Austin did actually appear. But back to our good friend, Joe Idiot….. -Did you notice when the girls were sitting at the dinner table at the beginning of the show, they couldn’t even look at each other? I couldn’t understand why. They seem like such good friends and get along so well. Why would there be any nervousness or tension between the two? Don’t they realize that they’re only one day away from possibly becoming the wife of the dumbest man in America? That should make them warm and fuzzy. -Whoa. Wait a second. Hostess Alex McLeod is making an appearance and the show is only 5 minutes old. What’s wrong with this picture? Does she know what to say being on this early? Is she going to break into convulsions? Where in her contract does it say she can speak before the 53rd minute of the show? I demand an answer to this. And oh yeah, she said nothing important for the 5th consecutive week. -And this butler clown is basically narrarating the whole show this week. First off, let’s get one thing straight once again. That butler is about as English as I am. We figured out the fake accent about 3 minutes into episode one. And secondly, you ever notice that his glass of wine always has the same amount left in it? Either drink the damn thing on air, or fill it all the way to the top. -Bondage girl says that she’s not overbearing. On the show from what we’ve seen of her, I actually have to agree. Behind the scenes when she gags herself in duct tape and ties herself to chairs to “pay for school”, she’s completely overbearing. -Bondage girl also admits that she likes to lead. Yes, we can see that. When you danced with Joe, you couldn’t help but lead since his rhythm matched that of any white guy at a club that plays trance music. If Joe saw Bondage girl’s fetish videos, would he have kept her around longer than the fat, asian chick? -It should surprise no one that Bondage girl was able to look at her necklace and tell immediately how many karats were in it. Bore-a doesn’t know what a karat is. Bore-a is probably the most homely person who’s ever appeared on a reality show. I honestly think that if this show were like the Bachelorette, and Joe actually got to meet Bore-a’s family and go back to her hometown, he’d see that her house was probably one big rock, and she’s been living under it since birth. It’s sad, it’s pathetic, and at the same time, I find it damn hilarious. -I bet Bondage girl was frothing at the mouth to take one last stroll in the woods with Joe. Why? Simple. Blowjob time again. Didn’t you see those two trying to ditch the camera and go as far into the woods as possible? C’mon. Joe knows Bondage girl is the horniest chick on the planet. I think he figured one last time in the woods wouldn’t hurt anybody. But to her credit, at least Bondage girl is playing her cards right. Bore-a avoids Joe like the plague. -Does Bore-a purposely bounce her hair back and forth when she walks, or is that just me? Because it can’t possibly be because she’s trying to show some sexuality. Bore-a seems to have one major issue with Joe: She doesn’t like him. -Watching a recap of Bore-a and Joe’s first date, it’s a wonder that this woman is even still on the show. Hell, as big of a bitch as Heidi was, at least she showed some personality. I fully expect a straight green line to appear on TV every time Snore-a makes an appearance. -Not a whole hell of a lot happened in this episode since they did so much recapping. Going over the old dates was comical yet, I’d already commented on all of that, so it didn’t do much to help this column. And when I read online yesterday that next week was the 2 hour season finale, I just knew this show would blow. And it did. -So after all of this, the final time he gets with these women is a stroll through the woods? No final romantic date? No last ditch effort by Bondage girl to try and bear Joe’s children? No Bore-a and Joe jumping into a pool with him wearing nothing but trunks, and her wearing as much clothing possible? I thought they’d give these skanks one last opportunity to try and get in Joe’s pants. Guess not. -Bore-a thinks Bondage girl will win because she already lives in L.A., just like Joe. Bondage girl thinks if Joe likes neither of them, he’ll pick Bore-a and use geography as an excuse. Awwwwww. How sweet. The girls are rooting for the other to win. I think I’m shedding a tear. Please. You know for a fact these two chicks can’t stand each other. Show them catfighting. Show them drunk one night just talking shit about the other girl. Show them making out with each other. Woops….. -I just realized that Bore-a’s job is that of a substitute teacher. Talk about a match made in heaven. If before you didn’t think Snore-a was winning, you should now. Her and Joe’s combined income probably tops out at about 30K a year. Yep. They’ll be livin’ the good life on that. These two would officially become the most uninteresting couple in America. God help us. -I told you they were going to surprise everyone by revealing some giant secret other than Joe’s not a millionaire. Problem is, I have no idea what it is. I don’t think it’s that he’s really a millionaire, because too many people have guessed that. It’s probably going to be something that no one has mentioned yet. Maybe it’s that the butler and Alex McLeod are really lovers and they’re getting married. Or that the butler is marrying the fat, asian chick. Or they reveal Alex is the first android created by man. Whatever it is, I don’t think it’s Joe is really a millionaire. Who knows, but it should be interesting…..
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