RETURN TO THE REALITYROUNDUP INDEX	REALITY ROUNDUP WEEK OF 1.26.04 Quite an interesting week elsewhere in the Reality World: American Idol crushed every single show it went up against, Coral’s heart stopped beating on the “RW/RR Challenge/Gauntlet/Inferno/Whatever It’s Called”, Larissa Meek is slowly becoming the hottest chick to ever grace our reality tv world, “Real World: San Diego” is….well….I won’t spoil it, read on. No one continues to give a damn about “Celebrity Mole: Yucatan”, The “Surreal Life” is becoming one of the greatest comedies of our time, and “Survivor: All Stars” starts up on Sunday. They have to put out a DVD on this season one day after it ends. This will be a collector’s edition. Onto the past week….. -Tammy Faye Baker doesn’t want to see a psychic because it’s against her religion and she doesn’t believe in it. What? Tammy, you’re not even of this earth. What do you care about some fake palm reader who makes up a bunch of stories after doing a background check on you? -What’s funnier: Trishelle believing everything the psychic was saying and balling her eyes out, or the fact the psychic kept calling her, “Triss-elle”? There’s an “h” in there, Madame Ripoff. Get it right. -Any producer or director that can formulate a show which has a drunk Trishelle wanting to make out with Vanilla Ice, getting turned down and being drawn to tears, deserves a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. -There is no other way to describe Trishelle other than to call her the biggest slut we’ve ever seen on television. -Has the silicon in her breasts somehow seeped into Traci Bingham’s head? She’s not really this stupid, is she? People do the funniest things when their drunk. Except Traci. She goes pulling down Ron Jeremy’s pants. Now that’s class. -I’m telling you, you are going to be able sit your grandkids on your lap one day, and tell them you once witnessed an episode where a former white rapper, a porn star, a make-up wearing bible thumper, a slut, a slut with a fake rack, and the dude from “C.H.I.P.S.” had to put on a play for a bunch of 5 year olds. Awesome. -I still haven’t decided if I think “Randi” from “My Big, Fat, Obnoxious Fiance” is attractive or not. This is really pissing me off because we’ve had two episodes and I haven’t come to a clear cut decision. Let me get back to you on this one. Normally takes me about 8 seconds to determine something like this. -Larissa Meek is definitely one of the more attractive women they’ve put on a reality show, if not #1. Except when she wears those gobs of blue eye make-up. Take that off. You look like a hooker. -There’s only one word you need to describe Monday’s episode of “Average Joe 2: Hawaii”. “Maaaaaahhhhhhketing.” I hope that Boston nerd wins just based on his accent alone. Him cutting down that pretty boy was hilarious. “So you’re in maaaahhhhketing? You’re a maaaaahhhhketa? What do you maaaahhhhket?” There are definitely only 25 letters in a true Bostonians alphabet. “R” is not a letter. Or should I say, “lettah”. -“David Daskal!” definitely forgot to take his medication this week. Bouncing off walls, going with the full name introduction….he had it all going on this week. An absolute freak show. -I didn’t think the Average Joe’s having trouble crossing the monkey bars and climb the rope was sad. I thought watching the so-called hunks pretending like they were competing in a triathalon doing the same thing was sadder. Guys, that monkey bar was about 7 feet off the ground. You better be able to climb across it without working up a sweat. -Exactly what was fair about those challenges? Two of them were physical challenges, and one of them was intellectual. Gee, never saw a victory for the meatheads coming. Dodgeball? Is this making a comeback now? If there were ever a game back in the day that separated the jocks from the geeks, it was dodgeball. If you were always one of the first few eliminated, I’m sorry, you were a geek. If you were throwing rockets at a 100 mph at the 85 pound kid with glasses, you were a jock. And a bully. -What kind of game of dodgeball were they playing? Since when are you allowed to get hit 27 times before being eliminated? And why were the jocks the only ones throwing the balls? I wanted to see “David Daskal!” wind up and chuck one at one of the models just to see if it registered a negative miles per hour. -Sam the spaz either had some dirty pictures of Donald Trump, or Donald owed him a big favor. How this guy lasted three weeks is beyond me. And exactly how many times is the woman’s team going to use sex as their weapon for winning challenges? Tonight the challenge is to manage a restaurant. Gee, wonder if they come out dressed like strippers? -If “Maaaaahhhhketing” summed up Monday’s “Average Joe 2: Hawaii”, then only one phrase can sum up two weeks of “American Idol” auditions. “She bangs! She bangs!” Hung is my new favorite person in the world. No shame whatsoever, couldn’t sing a lick, couldn’t dance (I think that’s what he was trying to do. Either that or “wax on/wax off”), wore his backpack to the auditions, and even admitted he hadn’t had any singing experience. I need to get a copy of that performance to show my grandchildren’s grandchildren. That clip should be sent straight to the Television Hall of Fame. -How about that one guy with the really good voice, but then when asked what he’d do if he won a million bucks he said he’d give $200K to charity, and invest $2,000. “Sorry. Goodbye.” At least they called him out for being a liar. I would’ve sh**canned him too. -I love the chick who tried out in L.A., got cut, then cut her hair in the shower, went to a perm, and tried out in San Francisco…..and got cut again. Her one-man posse/coach/psychopath was as entertaining as her. He was “Mickey” to her “Rocky”. -This “Real World: San Diego” cast is making “Real World: Hawaii” look like “Real World: Any Season Before Hawaii”. Not in terms of sex though. I don’t think anyone will beat “RW: Vegas” in that. But in terms of sheer drunkeness and stupidity, this cast takes the cake. -Robin likes to get drunk and mouth off to people. Always a lethal combo when dealing with the “Real World”. Hey Robin, words of advice: When the cops handcuff you, asking, “Can I go home?” isn’t helping matters. Unbelievable. -Her sitting in the back of the police car, wailing away with, “I wanna go home! I wanna go home!” downright almost split my intestines. -Not to be undone however by her drunk, dimwitted partner-in-crime Brad, with alcohol running all down the front of his shirt, roaming the streets of San Diego yelling “Wassup!” at anyone who looks at him wrong. You’re hard, Brad. You’re definitely hard. -Another great Brad line from this past week. As the cops are cuffing him, and shoving his head into the backseat of the car, he blurts out, “They’re laughing at me. Arrest them!” Yes, Brad. Laughing is now a misdemeanor. -“The Penal Code? I didn’t pull out my penis.” How did I know Brad would somehow reference his giant penis when he’s piss drunk? Never in a million years. -You know Frankie wouldn’t be so bad looking if she wasn’t such a nutball. Weird, weird, weird chick. -Even with Brad and Robin’s public drunkeness, there might not have been a better sequence of events than a drunk Frankie and an even drunker Randy putting their 20 IQ points together to devise some sort of plan to get both their two drunk friends out of jail. Hey Randy, what’s that? “BRAD’S IN JAIL!!!!!” Gotcha. Didn’t hear you the first 400 times you announced it to your roommates. -And how about Frankie almost going hand job on Randy while Jacqueseseseseseses is on the phone trying to bail Brad out of jail? Not bad Frankie. -Camran reminds me way too much of an ex-girlfriend in college which scares me. Oh yeah, she’s married too. I think every one of my serious ex’s I’ve ever had is now married. Naaahhhh….I’m not too self-conscious about that. Return to the realitysteve.com home page
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