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WEEK OF 10.25.04
Thoughts on the last week of reality television. Shows include "Apprentice", "Survivor", "My Big, Fat, Obnoxious Boss", "Wife Swap", and "The Rebel Billionaire"
-Well, well, well, so someone's finally dug up a little dirt on one of our "Apprentice" candidates. Seems that our lovely, but incompetent, Elizabeth has some acting credentials. Granted, she's not the show anymore, which we'll get to shortly, but it's still very big news. And maybe it wouldn't be right to call it "acting" anyway. She's appeared in such blockbusters as "Rock-n-Roll Cops" where she played Detective Elizabeth White. She's also starred in "King's Highway" where she played the lovely Mrs. Kemer. And believe it or not, she was actually in "Traffic." Granted, she played a high school student that went unnamed and she didn't appear in the credits, but still, it was "Traffic". Pretty big movie. However, that wasn't her finest work. No, her finest work was done in the 2002 flick, "Pandemonium", where she played Taron. Now, I haven't seen the flick. And probably neither has 99% of America. But apparently someone over at the Enquirer did and tells us she nailed that role. Well, actually, she got nailed in that role. Maybe it was softcore, maybe it wasn't, but if you're bored on a Friday night, go rent "Pandemonium" and watch our Elizabeth getting plowed in a scene for the ages. Ms. Elizabeth Jarosz' career is taking off, I tell ya'. That Enquirer never lets us down, does it?
-So while I was on IMDB.com, I checked out who else from our "Apprentice" cast has an acting background, and it seems that Jennifer the lawyer likes to be in front of the camera. And yes, she keeps her clothes on. Bit parts in "Melrose Place", "The Practice", "7th Heaven", "Charmed", "One Tree Hill", and my all-time favorite, "Married....With Children". Not bad Ms. Jennifer Massey. Wouldn't have expected it.
-As for Elizabeth, her performance last week was head scratching to say the least. "I'm not going back a campaign I don't believe in!" "I'm not going to back a campaign I don't believe in!" "I'm not going to back a campaign I don't believe in!" Great, then why did you? She got up on her soapbox the whole episode saying she wouldn't go with something she didn't believe in, then goes into their meeting with a campaign centered around exactly what she doesn't want? Huh? What did I miss here? What a screwball. Maybe all those softcore sex scenes have twisted her mind, but I had no clue what she was smoking in that episode. Weird, weird girl. Maybe that's why she's gone.
-I mean, you know it's bad when Trump doesn't even think it's necessary to allow you to take two people back into the boardroom and he just lets you go right away. You could kinda see it coming for this reason: At 9:55, he hadn't even excused them to discuss with Carolyn and George who he should boot. So you knew he was going to sh**can her. Well, that and the fact she was a completel and total mess for the previous 55 minutes. That kinda added to it.
-As for their presentation, gee, I can't see why they didn't win. It was so well put together, and by no means did it strike the fear of God into anyone looking into joining the police force. Would you want to walk around New York City after seeing their ad? Might as well be living in Baghdad. That was brutal. Go back to softcore, Liz. You seem to have that nailed down pretty good. Yes, I intentionally used the word "nailed". Seemed appropriate.
-Raj is still a complete boob. Heck, it was his idea to run that horror flick of a commercial. And of all the "rewards" teams have gotten for challenges, I'm guessing last week's was one of the worst. Getting to see your ad in Times Square? Great. Too bad people have no idea who its coming from or what it's even doing up there. Uhhhh, no thanks. I'd rather be eating off $5,000 plates with $2,000 silverware in one of Trump's $3 million restaurants.
-Great. So it’s official. Now every single athletic and physically strong player has been eliminated from the “Survivor”. Should make for one hell of a finish. Who will it be? Chris won’t can’t even walk on a balance beam? Yeah, he sure “outwitted, outlasted, and outplayed” everyone. Or will it be 60 year old Scout who has somehow kept her sexuality to herself while on the island for fear of being outcast?
-Which brings up my next point. Does anyone know Amy’s a lesbian? Does anyone know Scout’s a lesbian? Have Amy and Scout formed a Indigo Girls alliance that we don’t know about yet? I mean, as far as the girls team, those two seem to be the leaders. So maybe they’ve told each other but not anyone else? Could be. Or I could just be analyzing something that’s not even there. Wouldn’t be the first time.
-So going into tonight’s episode, the women outweigh the men 6 to 4 if I’m not mistaken. Meaning all they have to do is stick together and we’ll have a chick final four. Great. Just what we need. Although that’s never happened in the history of the show where the final four have all been of the same sex. And this season has been weird because it seems like all the spoiler sites have been shut down. I haven’t read anything regarding this season. But I’ll stick with my final four of Sarge, Chris, Twila, and the guy with one leg. Julie showing her ass to everyone and playing the sex card will only take her so far. I think the Sarge is a bit too smart to fall for that.
-Rumors the next “Survivor” could actually take place somewhere in the United States, or they might look to be going to Canada. Fine. Anything but “Africa”. By far the worst season ever. Just out in the middle of dirt week in and week out. That was just a boring, boring season. Funny how it produced three of the more memorable players to ever play the game in Lex, Ethan, and Big Neck. I wonder if Big Neck still hates Boston Rob for screwing him over. And if Lex isn’t going to attend Rob and Amber’s wedding because Rob voted him off after he saved Amber for him. Could you imagine the ego of someone who won’t attend a guy’s wedding because he voted him off on a television show. Get over yourself, Lex. Not that big of deal in the whole grand scheme of things.
-And there are rumors circulating that Rob and Amber’s wedding will be televised by CBS and Mark Burnett will produce the whole thing. Sweet. Just make sure Richard Hatch and Sue Hawk are invited so we can watch them go at it again. “I’ve been bamboozled!” is still probably one of the funnier moments in “Survivor” history.
-I read where “Wife Swap” got re-upped for another season. Talk about a concept that’s getting tired. I’ve only seen one episode, but I’ve seen a few of “Trading Spouses”, which is essentially the same thing. The only way to spice up “Wife Swap” is to change the title and concept of the show. How about “Permanent Wife Swap”. Now THAT would be some good sh**. But if we all know these mothers are only there for two weeks, and everyone can go back to their normal lives when it’s over, where’s the intrigue? I don’t get it.
-“My Big, Fat, Obnoxious Boss” looks pretty good. Only because it’s spoofing the “Apprentice”. And when reality shows start spoofing other reality shows, that’s good stuff. Which is why “Joe Schmo” was so damn funny. It never took itself too seriously. As it shouldn’t have. And if it’s anything like “My Big, Fat, Obnoxious Fiancee”, I’m there. That was funny.
-I’ve seen the previews for the “Rebel Billionaire” and here’s something I don’t get. At the end of the show, this guy is going to give the winner the key to his fortune? He’s going to make some schmo the president of one of his companies? Isn’t that a little extreme for someone who’s thinking they’re competing just for money? What if they’re not qualified. At least the “Apprentice” contestants have a background in business. Some do. How are we supposed to expect these people on “Rebel Billionaire” to run a company? Here’s a show I definitely won’t be watching.
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