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WEEK OF 2.7.05
My thoughts on the last week of reality television. Shows include the “Apprentice”, “Survivor”, “American Idol”, and the “Real World”….
-Regardless of who's considered "Street Smart" or "Book Smart", all I know is both of these teams have more than one player who's flat out dumb. John is the only man who's shown the least bit of intelligence, and he doesn't have a college degree.
-I'm baffled by the cucumber idea. Maybe it made sense when they thought it out, but that final product was horrendous. That literally looked like a bad soft porn 30 second clip. It was horrible. Guy and girl washing a cucumber, zoom in on both sets of hands stroking it in the sink, guy about to kiss girl, another guy walks in and hands him soap bottle, they walk out together with him holding the soap behind his back. WHAT? How does that make you want to buy soap? And the dude with the bow tie is a spitting image of Curt Schilling. Just without the ability to pitch his ass off in Yankee Stadium.
-Erin drooling over the men already just categorizes her as this season's Maxim centerfold. She basically locked that up by flirting with the guy, and looking hot. I think she realizes being an attorney is not a way of life. More like a hobby. Being half naked in Maxim and FHM? Now that's the career she needs to concentrate on.
-There is no explanation for Chris. He's in a different world by himself. And it's like Mark Burnett is already on to him. Since when in the boardroom has George or Carolyn ever said, "Hey, so-and-so, you've been quiet so far. What do you have to say?" When George asked Chris that last week, I knew something loud and obnoxious would come flying out of his pie hole. He's a real treat.
-And Kristen the crazy eyebrowed lady is a dope. good thing they dumped her. Her execution of John's idea was horrible. They were dead on when they said it's not a facewash. It's body soap, so why would someone jogging be rubbing it on his face? And the 3rd grade set and amateurish actors were probably laughing at it the whole time, which is why they were probably difficult to deal with.
-So, “Survivor” has gone to 20 castaways this season, and three are getting eliminated on the opening night. I can tell you what I know (Don’t read if you don’t want to know what happens). When the castaways arrive at the island, they’re not put into a team. All twenty of them are just dropped off and not split into teams. At some point in the show, they pick two teams of nine, and the two people who weren’t picked are booted off the show. Gee, that must’ve been fun to go through that interview process and all that testing to not even last a few hours on the island. I wonder if that was worth it?
-So, they’re making it out like three people are getting booted at tribal council when that’s not the case. And this season, supposedly, has more twists and turns than season’s past. Which I tend to believe more with this show than the “Bachelor/ette”. When you’re ten seasons in, you obviously need to change things up a bit. I think one change they should add is to make Probst do the show by bringing Julie everywhere he goes and they have to hold hands. I bet if he had his way, he’d make it happen. I mean, I’ve never seen a man so p****whipped in my life. Have you read some of the things he’s said about her? Geez, it’s only been a couple months.
-Probst said recently he almost quit after the “All-Star” season because all those people had giant egos and wanted to be paid, and thought they were bigger than the game. He said his favorite season was Season 1, for obvious reasons, and his least favorite was “Thailand” because it was so negative. Oh yeah, that’s where Ted tried to mount Ghandia in her sleep and then claim he has no idea what he does when he sleeps. Good excuse. Very believable.
-It’s very hard to handicap “American Idol” right now because there’s still over 90 people left. Next week, we should have somewhat of a better idea, but I will say this. I can name two people who I’m pretty sure will be in the final twelve. Mario Vazquez, who looks like a cross between Wilmer Valderamma and Justin Guarini, and, the kid with the glasses who almost lost his voice as a child. Mark it down. They’ll get in. There are a couple others, but I can’t remember their names or what they looked like. Oh yeah, the chick who used to work at “Treasure Island” in Vegas. She’ll get in. She’s got the look and the voice.
-Nice to see that after this season of “Idol”, Paula Abdul has announced she wants to resume her singing career. You know, the other day I was sitting around, and I said to myself, “What’s missing in the world of music?” And only one name popped into my head. Abdul. We need more Abdul. God help us all.
-Did you know that Randy Jackson actually toured with “Journey” back in the day? That still seems funny to me. He doesn’t seem to me to be that type of guy that would be rockin’ out to “Don’t Stop Believing”. I mean, can you really picture Randy Jackson serenading some woman with “Open Arms”? I guarantee if one of the finalists could perform that song halfway decent, he’d love them. Why don’t more of the contestants do that? Why doesn’t someone do classics like “Straight Up”, or “Cold Hearted Snake”? Yes everyone, only months away from the return of that.
-Is it just me, or does it seem like the “Real World” seasons last about a year and half? My God. When is this thing over? Don’t get me wrong, this is one of the best casts they’ve had, and this season is generating more ratings than seasons previous, but enough is enough. I feel like I’ve been watching this season since college.
-I’ve gotta hand it to Landon. Finally conquering Shavonda after all that time, man, that took a lot of work. I wouldn’t waste nearly that much time chasing around a basket case like her, but hey, whatever floats your boat. And considering what we’ve seen Landon bring home this season (his ex and the co-worker with the Philadelphia Soul), nailing Shavonda must be like nailing Miss America to him.
-Right when I asked last time, “When do we get Melanie’s meltdown?”, it happened. It was a good one. There’s nothing better than when one roommate thinks everyone else hates them. That’s just a good mix in general. Sure, she’s annoying, and sure she’ll have self-esteem issues for the rest of her life, but dammit, it makes for good television. I’m glad Melanie’s a complete outcast and no one likes her. Or do you think they just said that because she had scabies?
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