RETURN TO THE REALITYROUNDUP INDEX	REALITY ROUNDUP WEEK OF 2.16.04 Thoughts on the last week of reality television….. -I’ve completely given up on “America’s Top Model.” I can’t tell you who’s left. I can’t tell you who’s been eliminated. And I can’t tell you who I think should win. I can tell you though, that whoever wins will have, or has already had, an eating disorder. -Tyra Banks is still ridiculously good looking last time I checked. You know how I know this? I once saw her in Hollywood shopping with a hat on and no makeup. And she was still a 10. When you can pull that off, you’ve made yourself onto my list of “Women Who Are Still Hot With a Hat and No Makeup On.” Repetitive. I know. But worth mentioning. -So “Survivor” went for the early season tear jerker episode. Usually they wait until the 4th or 5th to last episode to go to the “bring-the-family-members-in” card. My question is this: Since all these castaways have already been through this, will this be nearly as emotional for these people? -Richard Hatch is a beauty. Biting sharks heads while they’re biting him is pure insanity. Between his nakedness, and his cockiness, and his….ummmm….nakedness, he is one of the more ridiculous characters ever put on a reality show. And how does he stay out on the island just as long as other people, eat just as more or less as they do, and never lose any weight? -Something I’ve always wondered about Jeff Probst. Why does he do that “right arm bent up, left arm bent down, then switch it” at the beginning of every challenge? Is that necessary? I would think, “Survivors….Ready….Go!!!!!” would do just fine. -And isn’t it a conflict of interest if Jeff and his best friend in the whole world, Colby, get one more season together? I think there’s gotta be some bias that comes up at some point, right? I know Jeff doesn’t vote, and he has no ultimate say in the outcome, but when Jeff is in a skirt and pom-poms during all Tribal Councils Colby is in, seems like a bit much. -There is a spoiler on the Internet right now that knows the Final Four of Survivor, including the final two. This person has always been pretty accurate throughout each season as well. Correctly predicted Tina would be voted off first. Correctly predicted Jenna was leaving early because of her mother, and correctly predicted Sandra getting to the final two last season. If you want to know, please send a check made payable to “Realitysteve.com” for the amount of $1,000. Your contributions are greatly appreciated. My local bartender thanks you as well. I’m kidding. Don’t send any money. Unless you want to. -I’ll give you a hint: Two of the final four make sense, two of them you probably wouldn’t expect based off the first three episodes. Another hint: Two males, and two females. 3rd hint: The four alleged finalists are from four different seasons of “Survivor”. That’s all. You get nothing else. Until next week. -I’m pissed off. I didn’t see one second of “Surreal Life”. And this was the episode where they went to a nudist colony. Without having seen it, I’m guessing I can come up with a brief synopsis: Trishelle takes off her clothes and mauls numerous guys while she’s completely bombed out. -I also heard they started butchering “Ice Ice Baby” during karaoke, which didn’t make Ice Van Winkle very happy. Don’t ever make Rob Vanilla angry. Kinda like how you don’t want to make Dr. David Banner upset cuz’ he’ll turn into a giant green monster. Same goes for Van Vanilla. He’s a feisty little one. -And oh yeah, I’m sure at some point during the episode, Traci Bingham tried to yank down Ron Jeremy’s pants to check out his junk. You know, for a woman that’s engaged, she sure is a horndog. I’m sure she’ll be one faithful wife. A woman every man would want. One that goes around grabbing male porn star’s packages. Such class. -There aren’t many people I can’t stand on reality television, but Omorosa from “The Apprentice” is definitely one of them. When will she ever shutup about how far she’s made it in the world? -The fact that anyone bid more than $40 to hang with that bore Carson Daly is beyond me. There might not be a more uninteresting boob on this planet more than him. Hey Carson, it’s called “emotion”. Feel free to show it sometime. -“The Littlest Groom” literally made my skin crawl. The only thing worse than 12 midgets vying for another midget’s love is 12 horny female midgets vying for one midgets love. -He’s 4’5”, right? I swear one of the girls he picked was at least a foot shorter than him, if not two. You could hold her in your hand and put her in your pocket when you’re done. The whole concept is mind boggling. Probably why the finale airs next week. -Either they didn’t want to drag this thing out and take a ton of heat from the Midgets of America, or they just wanted to scare the living piss out of me for an hour. Eliminating twelve girls down to five in the first 30 minutes of the show was rather much. C’mon. Let’s face it. The guy probably needed some time break down what little piece he wanted to keep around. -You know what’s amazing? When was the last time you ever saw a midget? Seriously. I don’t see them anywhere unless I’m at the circus or the zoo. Yet, they have like their own little world where they all seem to know each other. Now here’s twelve of them on a nationally televised show. -And do these normal girls really want to be with the little guy? Please tell me they were told beforehand they were going on a show with a midget in the lead role? Frightening. Two words: Midget sex. -Isn’t it funny how Larissa makes out with the new guys, but only kisses the original guys? She probably kissed 5 or 6 of the original geeks, yet its always pecks on the cheek or lips. Of course, when she’s with the good looking guys, it’s always full tongue, full groping, and practically sex on the beach. Hmmmm….think she’s gonna pick one of the Average Joe’s? Me neither. -I think most people are cheering for Brian Worth to win it, but that would be a giant upset if he did. This’ll end up being much the same as the first one. Brian or Fredo will have so much more to offer than these muscleheads, but she’ll pick them cuz they’re eye candy. -And who started this rumor that she’s been involved with Fabio at some point? First off, Fabio is one of the more unattractive guys you’ll ever meet. And secondly, how would these two even know each other? -The costume to make her look like mom was almost too much makeup. Plus, she didn’t disguise her voice all that well. Then again, if you’re not expecting it to be her, I guess it’s pretty easy to get fooled. -How come when eliminates one of the new guys, she just calls their names, but when she eliminates one of the Joe’s she says, “Michael, can I talk to you?” What’s the point of that? We all know you’re giving him the boot. More embarrassment if you say you want to talk to him first. -I don’t want to sound like Simon, but my God, that clan of dogs who sang Tuesday night made the glass break in my apartment. That was terrible. And how’d the big offensive lineman advance? How many of his frat buddies stayed up all night pounding away at the phone? -As for “Real World: San Diego”, this cast is becoming the poster children for birth control. Especially Brad and Robin. These two beauties outdo themselves week in and week out. -Brad’s giant thick eyebrows scare me. I’m used to the 10 IQ intelligence now. Kinda defines him as a person. -Frankie and Adam believe they share the same interests. Oh yeah? And what interests are those other than self-mutilation? There might not be two people more right for each other in this world than those two lab-experiments-gone-wrong. -Frankie says her ex would be more bothered if she got another tattoo without his permission than if she were to sleep with someone else. Boy, I tell ya’. Her ex has got his priorities in order. He’s definitely goin’ places. -We learned a little more about Frankie this week. She likes to wear pink and black stockings. She officially broke it off with her boyfriend. And she’s got 12 piercings in her face, both nipples pierced, and she’s pierced horizontically and vertically. Nice. Thanks for the info. Not that it comes as a surprise to me, but the visual makes me cringe. -Camran to Robin after seeing Brad hooking up with some San Diego skank: “I’ve never seen such trash in my life.” I have, Camran. You’re lookin’ her right in the face. Ghetto hoochie Robin is in some serious need of an attitude adjustment. Why do I have a feeling there will be more jail time for her at some point? -Frankie: “I think if you get completely drunk, you make a mistake, and you have sex with someone, that’s not cheating. But if there are feelings involved, and you’ve flirted for a long time, then you have sex, that’s cheating.” Frankie, feel free to join us here in a thing we call “reality”. Having sex with someone NOT your signficant other isn’t cheating? Hey, I’m sure all guys would love to agree with you on that, but unfortunately, it’s not that easy. She’s completely lost her mind. -After announcing she’s officially drunk, then slobbering all over Adam, Frankie feels the need to call her ex to tell him she loves him only to fall asleep while on the phone. You couldn’t write stuff better than this, I swear. -Jacquesesesesesesese claims to be a “bootyologist”, meaning he can sense when two sloppy drunks had sex outside on the balcony. But Frankie claims to not have done that cuz’ she’s such a good girl and never does things she doesn’t remember when she drinks. And even if she did, it’s not cheating anyway, right? Rrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. -Camran likes to flirt with Brad by punching and kicking him in the nuts. Gee, don’t you wish all women could flirt like that. I understand she’s only 19, but is Camran that clueless about the male species? Brad? I mean c’mon. BRAD!!!??? -She gets jealous when he suffocates some other girl out on the balcony, yet she gets a chance in the bathroom with him, and the c***tease does nothing? Explain that to me. Camran, you’re a good looking girl with what seems like a halfway decent head on your shoulders. Hear me out: You will lose IQ points the more you hang around that tard. Return to the realitysteve.com home page
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