RETURN TO THE REALITYROUNDUP INDEX	REALITY ROUNDUP WEEK OF 2.9.04 -If American Idol gets any bigger, it might have to start its own network. Have you seen the numbers that show pulls? And we're not even down to the final ten yet. 30 million viewers a week on average. No wonder I can never get through when trying to vote. 30 million people are on the phone lines. -Ryan Seacrest might as well just start printing his own money the way this guy's career has turned around. He's the host of the most watched show on television, he's just replaced Casey Kasam on America's Top 40 Countdown show heard in I think every country in America, and even though it hasn't been officially announced, he's just replaced the most popular contemporary music DJ in Los Angeles radio history. Rick Dees was basically shown the door after 23 years of doing morning radio in Los Angeles because, well, Ryan Seacrest is the hottest thing going right now. Nice business. Think Ryan can pull any women right now? Think he's living paycheck to paycheck? -Whoever Simon told the other night that she had "star" written all over her, and that she doesn't need the competition to get a contract, I think that basically seals her fate. That's like the kiss of death. -Nice to see Kristi from the "Apprentice" get the boot last week. Not only because it's about time the guys stopped making asses of themselves, but moreso that she can go back to doing what she's really good at: appearing naked in soft porn flicks. Hey, go check the smokinggun.com archives. I think she was in "The Pleasure Cove" or, "Good Will Humping", or "The Little Spermaid" with Brian from Survivor: Thailand. Something like that. -Good thing they finally mixed up the teams. I mean, judging by what we'd seen, it probably wasn't long before the guys would've somehow managed to blow up the Trump Towers. If you take the combined IQ of the guys on the "Apprentice", add it with the combined IQ of the eight bohunks that stepped off the boat in "Average Joe 2", and multiply it by the number of times Bob Guiney DIDN'T mug for the camera, your total would be this: 1. -Have you seen some of the challenges the Donald is putting these people through? I took a few business classes in college, and frankly these tasks aren't much different than what they'd split you up in groups to do? Selling lemonade? An advertising campaign for a certain product? Negotiating? So the Donald will pick one of these actors...err...applicants to run one of his billion dollar companies based on what strategy they can come up with to sell big at a flea market? Seems like whomever wins will be in over their head once they have control over a company. -I really think these contestants are no more business savvy than you or I, it's just they're better eye candy for the camera, and after getting rejected by "Survivor" and all the other shows, the "Apprentice" decided to pick them up. -When is this romance going to happen on Survivor: All Stars? I mean c'mon, we all know it's going to be Boston Rob and Amber. Or is it Sue Hawk and Richard Hatch? Or maybe it'll be Colby and Ethan? Or better yet, maybe the two Jenna's. Or Amber and Jenna. Or a threesome with Jeff Probst, Tom, and Kathy. Now that would be something. Although I think this is the week that Jenna M. goes home cuz' her mom dies. -A shark attack this week? Who in their right mind thinks it's a good thing to wrestle sharks? This has got to be Richard Hatch. And speaking of Rich, they better not boot him anytime soon. I could definitely do without the naked challenges, but can we please keep him around just for comedic value? He's such a cocky, arrogant, prick that you want gone, but for some reason, you enjoy him being around. Ok, maybe that's just me. I don't think it could ever happen, but I think it'd be great if he could somehow play everyone else like a fiddle and win this thing. --How did Colby manage to give up 39 days out of his life to go on the show when he had lucrative commercial offers waiting for him back in the states? The Schick Quatro. Four blades. Thanks Colby. Hell, I think three blades is enough. Do we really need a razor that has four blades? Two days after shaving, you're still going to have to shave again. Schick Quatro. The power of four. I've seen that commercial way too many times. -Let's breakdown what some Survivor contestants have turned their 15 minutes of fame into: Gervace: A couple Sprite commercials. Not bad. -Elizabeth: Own show on E! and now a co-host on "The View". Unbelievable gig. Nothing like getting paid to sit around and bash men all day. -Rudy: Couple of appearances on "J.A.G." Do you know anyone who watches "J.A.G."? The chick is hot, and the main guy once played Allison's boyfriend on "Melrose Place". I think. -Kelly W.: I think she did some travel show on some channel I don't watch and last time I checked, had fallen completely off the face of the earth. -Heidi, Jenna, and Jerri- Straight to Playboy. Now they played their cards right. If you can finish in 5th place, and still end up making more money than the winner, you’ve gotten over on everyone else. -What happened on RW/RR/Challenge/Gauntlet/Inferno this week? Did Trishelle catch Coral and Mike doing it yet? Are Ace and his woman making everyone sick to their stomachs with their PDA’s? -The Coy family has to be the smallest family ever let on television. Is anyone in that family over 5’5”? The two brothers are trolls, the Dad’s a drill sargeant, the mother is a corpse, and the sister is clueless. But they do have one thing in common: They all hate their daughters fiance, which should make for an interesting ending. -Just don’t tease us with, “Next week, will Randi’s family reaction be too much for her to handle?” C’mon. We’ve all seen the previews of them at the altar in the finale. Of course she goes through with it. It’s basically just a 6 week episode of “Punk’d”, only with much better actors and blonde with a great butt. -If you missed the “Surreal Life” on Sunday, here’s all you need to know: Ron Jeremy threw a pool party and invited all his close “friends”. Very close “friends.” It….was….awesome. -Andy Dick is boys with Ron Jeremy? Could there be a more odd pairing than those two? RJ has hammered every woman in the porn industry and Andy likes dudes. Or so I thought. -Isn’t it ironic that in the opening clips of the show, Trishelle says, “Everyone in American must think I’m a slut.” Exactly what have you done Trishelle which would make us think otherwise? -Ron Jeremy spraying Eternity all over his body before people showed up to the party reminded me of high school when I used to do the same thing. My motto was: If I can’t smell it on me after I get done putting it on, time to go back and put some more on. Except it was “Drakkar Noir”. Just like every other guy in high school. -How come Ron brought all his ugly porn star friends to the party? Those chicks were beat down. Yucko. Where’s Jenna Jameson? Where’s Kobe Tai? Where’s….uhhhh….so I’ve heard. -Easily the quote of the show. Some porn skank to Erik Estrada: “Wanna come inside for a blowjob?” Uhhhhh….. -That’s Traci Bingham’s fiance? Hold on. THAT’S TRACI BINGHAM’S FIANCE???!!!!! I think that man proves beyond a shadow of a doubt the theory that there is no such thing as an unattractive man with money. -Here goes Trishelle again. Ice won’t make out with her, so literally within three seconds of getting turned down, she’s sticking her tongue down Andy’s throat. Then she’s straddling him in a mini skirt. Classy girl. -Andy Dick: “She’s a c*** tease. She’s all talk.” Well, maybe with you she is. Let’s not ask half the people that appeared on “Real World: Las Vegas” last season. Especially Steven. That guy got that ass more times than you could shake a stick at. -Next week: The “Surreal Life” crew visits a nudist colony. You’ve got to be kidding, right? So basically Trishelle and Traci get to go home. Gotcha. -As far as the “Real World” goes, the cast is getting kookier by the week. Have you noticed Frankie has gone the way of Michael Jackson in terms of her eyebrows? Not only are they shaved, but her painted ones start at the middle of her eyeball. -Robin needs a harness for those small children she’s carrying around in the front of her shirt. A reduction may be in order after this season airs. Or during the season. Whichever one works better for you, Cans. -So Robin flirts with Randy every day and night, she sleeps in the same bed with him, and she’s jealous when he speaks to another girl? No way!!!! She just seems like one of those chicks who’s very understanding, talks things out, and doesn’t get overdramatic about anything. Frankly, I’m flabbergasted at her reaction to Randy this week. -And when Robin’s drunk, not only does she curse her roommate out who hasn’t done anything wrong, she pees in the shower. Verrrrrrrrrry classy girl. -When the show started out with Frankie on the phone talking to her family about how she ruined her relationship back home by coming on the show, and how she doesn’t get along with her roommates, and her crying, wasn’t it just a little obvious that this was the show where she’d meet someone? -Frankie says her and Adam connect because he understand her. And he’s a freak show just like her. Nice earrings, pal. Last time I saw hoops like that I was tossing them around coke bottles at the local fair. -I know Camran is young, hot, and naïve, but how can she not see what an absolute jarhead Brandon is? That relationship is destined for disaster. Good. She only brought it upon herself. -Did Jacqueseseseseseseseseseses and Jamie sign a waiver at the beginning of the show stating, “We must never be involved in any storylines ever?” And what happened to their job on the boat? Frankie has a fear of them, and Jacqueseseseseseseseses can’t swim. Every episode better damn well have all of them aboard a boat at some point. Return to the realitysteve.com home page
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