RETURN TO THE REALITYROUNDUP INDEX	REALITY ROUNDUP WEEK OF 3.15.04 Thoughts on the last week or so of reality television (including 2 explosive weeks of “Real World: San Diego”. Ok, maybe not explosive, but sure funny). -I was real curious to see what the women on “Average Joe” were going to be like. Would they be “average” because Adam’s “average”, or would they set him up with a bunch of hotties. Well, it wasn’t hotties, that’s for sure. Definitely a few very cute women on that show, but nothing to write home about. And yes, they did throw in a couple “below averages” to even things out. Yikes. -Isn’t it funny that of the four women that did get dumped on Monday, three of them were, shall we say, packing a few extra pounds? The first elimination is always based strictly on looks. Even if you’ve said two words to the girl all night, if she’s attractive, you’re keeping her around. As for Adam, kinda funny he dumped the woman that he was most compatible with based on Tariq’s love potion formula, or whatever it was he came up with. -There’s about three or four girls out of the remaining sixteen that would make it onto “The Bachelor”. Maybe. I guess the big twist is they’re bringing in strippers/prostitutes to try and woo Adam away from the ugly ones. I don’t know if this will work or not, but at least it gives us something worth looking at. -And speaking of the “Bachelor”, which starts April 7th, some news that was just released. First off, of the 25 girls, only 24 are vying for Jessie, while one of them is a plant that is there to report back to him what all the girls are saying. I believe we find out her identity in the 2nd or 3rd episode. I wonder if it’s going to be one of his groupies that wait for him in the lobby at the hotel where the Giants stay on the road. I’ll ask this now, I’ll ask this on April 7th, and I’ll ask this after it’s over: Why is Jessie Palmer doing this show? He’s a 25 year old professional football player who lives in New York. He has to go this route to find chicks? Strange. -Some news about the women. All 24 women are between the ages of 21-28. Damn. That’s no fun. We don’t get our annual grandma on there that’s begging for children because her biological clock is about to start a nuclear war. Oh well. There are also three women on the show named “Jessica”. Great. That’ll do wonders for me trying to figure who’s who. Jessie, just dump two of them right off the bat please. And let’s be honest, is “Jessie” Palmer really going to pick a wife named “Jessica”? Why, so they can name their four kids “Jacob”, “Jennie”, “Jimmy”, and “Julie”? -There’s also one girl who’s from Sacramento that is an NFL cheerleader. Gee, think she’s got a chance to win this thing? If I’m not mistaken, the Giants have played in the Bay Area the last two seasons. I’m sure Jessie’s already been there, and done that. I haven’t seen pictures of these women yet, I’ve only seen ages, cities, and occupations, but I’m willing to bet right now that the cheerleader at least makes the final four. At least. -Well, it’s been a couple weeks now, and as far as I can tell, Meredith and Ian haven’t started hating each other yet. That’s a good sign. After Guiney dumped Estella in world record time, you figured all hope was lost. But I think it’s different when the women are choosing. Women aren’t nearly as fickle, so I guess the chances of it succeeding are much greater. Men are pigs. There’s no surprise why the men on the “Bachelor” are now 0-for-4. Just think, if Alex, Aaron, Firestone, and Guiney couldn’t find their wife on this show, what in the world makes me think a pro athlete will? I mean, I’m so looking forward to this season more than anything else, because frankly, going into it we already know it’s destined for disaster. Can’t wait. -“America’s Top Model” I saw just eliminated its 9th contestant the other night. I don’t know what her name was, I don’t know where she’s from, and I don’t even know what her nationality is. My question is: Did they show the orgy party that apparently the network executives got all up in arms about? They didn’t? Then now I really don’t care about this show. -I hate to sound like Randy Jackson, but this is one hell of a final 12 on “American Idol”. Easily the best group yet. In the first season, you kinda knew there were only 2 or 3 people that had a legitimate shot to win it. Last year, I’d say three: Clay, Reuben, and Kimberly Locke, who now has dropped about 30 pounds since the show ended and looks damn good. This season, I could literally see five or six different people winning. -But there’s no doubt the final two will be two women. I can’t see Big Red, or John Peter Lewis in the finals. Big Red is unique in the way he sings, but his hair is bordering on a Ronald McDonald-type red, and all his songs sound the same. I don’t think he can sing anything that isn’t Frank Sinatra or something that’ll put you to sleep. And John Peter Lewis won’t win because he can’t dance. Stop it dude. The best chance for any guy is George, but he jumps up and down when he sings. I’ve never seen that before. What’s he doing? Stay still please. Are there even any other guys in it? I don’t think so. -My two early favorites are LaToya and the girl with the flower in her hair. Can’t remember her name. The judges are slobbering all over Fantasia, but I honestly think her overracting up on stage will turn off voters. Great voice, but she’s waaaaaay too into being Fantasia if you ask me. My dark horse is Diana DiGarmo. Or however you spell her last name. I just spent three paragraphs dissecting the singing talents of 17 year olds. Oh boy. -Well, Heidi getting booted kept the streak alive. The first four people eliminated were guys, now six women in a row have gotten the boot. The Donald loves dumping the women. I noticed last night during the recap show he said this show was a “13 week job interview.” So there were 10 weeks where people got eliminated, and one recap week, leaving us with only three episodes left. I’m guessing the next two weeks will each have someone getting booted, and the season finale will be with a Final Four, a la “Survivor”. Of course. Both shows are produced by Mark Burnett. I’m curious to see how the finale plays out because I know it’s a live finale. Does he fire people right there? Will it be like “Survivor” where he fires two people in the first hour, then the last two battle it out, and he makes his decision at the end? Will he get it on with Carolyn? Will Carolyn get it on with the old guy? -So to backtrack a little bit on the “Real World”, two weeks ago, Brad’s girlfriend Andrea with the big rack came to visit and it made Cameran queezy. That was a great episode. Nothing like Brad getting thrown in jail the night before his girlfriend arrives….again. Brad, here’s a life lesson: Stay out of jail. It’s not really a place you want to be a lot. -Brad’s so under control when he drinks, the cops just must be picking on him. I mean really, would you arrest a guy who curses out anyone who looks at him and who shadow boxes in the middle of the street? Me neither. Brad’s getting a bad reputation with the San Diego cops and I think it’s totally unfair. -I thought Andrea was really attractive, which made me wonder what she was doing with a meathead like Brad. Someone on the show pointed out that they thought Brad was with Andrea for the “physical aspect, while Andrea was in it for the emotional aspect.” Really? Relationships happen that way? How come it’s never the other way around? Has there ever been a male/female relationship in the history of mankind where the man was in it completely for the emotional aspect, and the woman just wanted to have sex? Ever? In the history of the world? Didn’t think so either. -Brad’s such a class act when the girlfriend’s in town. Getting drunk for the 30th consecutive night, hitting on girls that are R. Kelly territory- I can’t imagine why Andrea got upset at him. Then Brad delivered the line of the night. Brad: “Pack your f***in sh**. Let’s go!” He was kicking his invited guest, who happens to be his girlfriend, because HE was acting like a complete toolbox. How Andrea didn’t book the first flight home that night, I wouldn’t understand. -Next morning comes, and you knew a heartfelt apology was coming. It had to. Last night’s behavior was totally unacceptable. SO ANDREA APOLOGIZES TO HIM!!!!! For what woman? That was un-freakin-believable. It’s stuff like this that makes me lose all hope in women. He was being the cheesedick, he was the drunk one, he was the one that told you to leave, and YOU apologized to HIM for they way you acted. I’m speechless. Hey, maybe I sold Brad short earlier this year when I questioned his motive for constantly talking about his unit. If girls are going to blame themselves for something you did, maybe it is too much to pass up. Who knows? -And during this whole visit by Brad’s woman, Cameran was having bowl movements from eating too many burritos. Translation: She was a jealous little whiner who wasn’t getting her way and was begging for attention. I was shocked to see that type of behavior out a 19 year old Southern hottie who’s about as naïve as they come. What a shocker. -And oh yeah, Jamie and Jacqueseeseseseseses had barely any face time on camera for the 6th consecutive show. Why don’t they just leave? Wouldn’t it be better for all of us if the show revolved around Cameran and her ass, Brad the toolbox, Randy and his grammar school groupies, Robin and her funbags, and Frankie and her porn fetishes? You could just begin to hand out Grammy’s then. J & J are bringin’ down the show. -As for this week, we got to see the clan contiuously show up late for their job, which they all despise. I really don’t get exactly their job is once they actually get on the boat, but that’s a different story. Their job starts at noon, and these rocket scientists were setting the alarm for 11:41am. So they all were 45 minutes late. We can see where this is going. -Frankie’s having a little problem with that thing called “cystic fibrosis”. When she actually has to work, she tends to run out of breath quicker than the others because of her affliction. I’m not a doctor, I’ll just play one on the internet, but wouldn’t the constant smoking and drinking be worse for her condition than pulling on a rope every once in a while? Dr. Steve. Please. Come to me with all your questions. -All seven Real Worlders hate the head boss. I don’t even remember his name. But he’s mean and nasty because he actually makes them get up before noon to get to work. Imagine that? Well, the streak is alive. The 14th consecutive season that the Real World cast hates their boss. In Hawaii, they hated that Hawaiian guy. In New Orleans, they couldn’t stand Elton, the guy at the TV station. Chicago’s season didn’t like the lifeguard coaches. It’s inevitable. If there’s one thing you take from these shows, it’s this: None of the cast members like doing any work of any kind. And they love to defy authority. That pretty much sums it up. -Did you catch what just came down about Real World next season? I’m sure you’ve heard by now that the next installment was going to be in Philadelphia. Uh, not anymore. Three days before they were about to start shooting, it got canned due to something having to do with non union workers. All the behind-the-scenes people basically said, “We’re not doing this”, and refused to work. Oops. Nice try. Find another city. -Randy brings over some chick he met, Erin, and her friends, and they’re barely pushing 8th grade. Immediately when I saw this chick, the first note I wrote to myself was (word for word on my notes): “her teeth are jacked up”. Well wouldn’t you know it, one of her front teeth was fake and she was able to pull it out. She also wore extensions in her hair. So obviously this was the running joke in the house the rest of the episode. Randy likes girls that can pull their teeth out and who look fourteen. -Randy doesn’t care at first, he still makes out with her while the rest spy on him to make sure that digit doesn’t spill out of her mouth and Randy chokes on it. While they’re spying, Cameran crawls on all fours up the stairs in a mini skirt to check out Randy and his grammar school bimbo. Cameran + mini skirt + being at the top of stairs on all fours while the camera is at the bottom of stairs = shot of her ass. I’m not complaining. Might as well just start calling Cameran “the onion” because that’s what her ass resembles. -Group meeting: They all want to quit but will take a vote on it. 6-1 to quit and only Jacqueseseseseseses wants to stay on board. He’s never quit anything in his life so he doesn’t want to quit this job. I think Jacqueezy is a little to intelligent for this group. His IQ is really throwing off the median IQ of this group and that pisses me off. Kinda like how “Blue” being dead brought down their cumulative score in “Old School”. “BLUE, YOU’RE MY BOY!!!!!” -So the next day, Erin calls Randy for the proverbial “follow-up-phone-call-after-our-first-make-out-session”, and Randy wants nothing to do with her. His philosophy on dealing with women he doesn’t want to see anymore: Avoidance until it’s a problem. How do you politely tell someone you don’t want to see them anymore because of their fake tooth and hair? You don’t, so Randy just has the roomies lie to her so he won’t have to talk. This will end up good for him. I can’t imagine he’ll get caught in this lie somewhere down the line. -Next week, surprise, everyone gangs up on Robin and her rack to tell her how much she bugs them. This isn’t going well for Robin and the Funbags. Not only have her breasts become an enormous distraction around the house, but so has she. Oh well. Makes for better viewing anyway. Until next week…. Return to the realitysteve.com home page
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