RETURN TO THE REALITYROUNDUP INDEX
QUESTIONS?
COMMENTS?
EMAIL ME
REALITY TV LINKS
WEEK OF 3.7.05
Thoughts on the last week of reality television. Shows include “Survivor”, the “Apprentice”, “American Idol”, the “Contender”, the “Real World: Philly” Finale, and the “Ashlee Simpson Show”.
-Ashlee's picture at the beginning of “Survivor” has her bearing all her "assets". My God. For someone who won't be on the show for the next 13 or 14 weeks, that's a pretty lasting picture they're leaving us with.
-I love how Probst likes to build a little suspense when the reward challenge starts by saying, "Take a look at the new Ulong tribe. Ashlee voted out at the last tribal council." So unless we're casting people with 7 IQ's, I'm guessing they could figure out by process of elimination who's not on the team anymore.
-I thought those buffs they give each team were the size of a bandana? Since when can these chicks start wearing them as skirts? I mean, hey I'm not complaining, but I had no idea these buffs were that big to cover from their belly button to past their hoo- ha.
-Was there anything better in Reward Challenge history than Stephanie vs. Jen trying to dunk each other in the water? That was pretty much soft porn. I could watch 45 minutes of that and then just go straight to the tribal council. And one of them was going straight for the others groin. Good strategy.
-I swear someone from CBS reads "Reality Roundup". If not, why would they give us a perfect ass shot of Jen bending over? Could that have been any more blatant? Once again, not complaining. Just pointing out for those who weren't in the know. Or weren’t paying attention. Or weren’t the least bit aroused by that.
-Didn't Jeff say before the Immunity Challenge that he was gonna do anything he could to stay in the game? Then why did he quit two seconds into the race? And can your ankle really hurt that bad turning it on a coconut? It's not like he was running or jumping and came down on it. He rolled it while walking? He probably wanted out. What a wuss.
-That team is completely floundering. Who the hell is their leader? Stephanie? James? Bobby Jon? Speaking of him, Bobby Jon might be living in L.A., but I wouldn't claim him as one of ours. Where is he from? And what restaurant is he working at? I think I'm going to leave him a $3 tip.
-Like I said last week, Fireman Tom is going to blow doors on these physical challenges. I felt like bench pressing a truck after watching him kick everyone's ass last weekt. Another brutal challenge, and this guy had no problem lugging around 60 lbs of sand. I think we can fully expect Tom to be a one man team on the next "Amazing Race".
-What stick was up Jeff and Kim's ass at the beginning of the show when they were bitching about Probst calling them out for sleeping with each other? What'd they expect him to do? Say nothing about them practically having sex within the first week on the island? I'm guessing Kim doesn't have much time left out there. Better start rubbing up against Bobby Jon.
-Did someone in the editing room goof on the “Apprentice” last week? Why was there no opening to the show? They didn't run the "Money, Money, Money" theme song with the introduction of the characters. How could that be missed? They went straight from recapping last week's show to Audrey and Craig walking back into the penthouse. Weird.
-Why has Anjie picked up the phone in the morning for like 4 weeks in a row now? Can't we get Erin in a nightie doing that? Or even Stephanie in a black teddy? With all due respect, Anjie isn't attractive with makeup AND clothes on.
-John was absolutely dead on with everything he said about Audrey all episode. She's a basket case. And just because John said she was the weakest link in the previous boardroom, why did that mean she had to bring up her parents were taken away from her and she lived in a car? What did one have to do with the other? And her taking offense to John's "You're beautiful" comment was out of nowhere. She's an immature little baby that never would've lasted in this game.
-When Trump said, "Design your own miniature golf course", I thought that was going to be interesting. They didn't design anything. They had eighteen 6 feet long holes shipped in on a truck. What kind of course was that? Maybe that's why both teams combined to make $800 in a full day. What a horrible task that was. I don't have kids, but when I do, god forbid I ever take them to something as hokey as that.
-There won't be a more blatant sexual innuendo all season than Erin swinging a golf club. I had to towel down after watching her on the driving range. And no, I wasn't the least bit surprised she wasn't much of a golfer.
-Trump says he'll give $1000 to anyone who can put it on the green, and all we get to see is Bren spazzing out and dumping it in the bunker? I literally wanted to see how many swings it took Erin to hit the ball five feet. Pure entertainment.
-That's literally four weeks in a row where there's been absolutely no suspense heading into the boardroom of who was going to get eliminated. Was there any doubt Audrey was gone? Why'd she bring Anjie into the boardroom? I'm supposed to believe it was because she was part of the "marketing team"? Please. She didn't want to get ganged up on by John and Craig.
-How come Audrey had no problem with Trump telling her she was beautiful, but had an aneurysm when John said she was beautiful calling him sexist? Just another super sensitive woman that was cast on the show who shouldn't have been. And nice justification by Trump at the end of the show for firing her, "Well, at least they can't say I picked the best looking one to win." Nice one. Some group will be protesting soon.
-I don't even know what to make of Chris being a tobacco addict dipping in front of children. He's already proven himself to be a complete boob in previous boardrooms, but that might have taken the cake. Why do I have a feeling Chris is about one constructive criticism from Trump away from snapping, pulling out an uzi, and spraying everyone in that boardroom? Be afraid.
-As for “Idol”, I was pretty shocked to see Nikko booted over Scott. I like Gangsta Scott and all, but Nikko’s a better singer. But I guess just because your dad did flips in the infield for the St. Louis Cardinals, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re advancing on the “Idol”.
-I was surprised Amanda got booted in favor of Mikalah. Better looking, better performer, and not a complete spaz. However, when you’re singing your song, it’s probably best that you not tap your hand on the microphone to the beat of the music so we hear a thumping sound during your set. Maybe that turned America off to her.
-Remember in the beginning of the competition, Sergei Federov said that he almost lost his voice as a child and they’d never thought he’d be able to talk again, let alone sing? Well, I thought maybe he embellished that story to win over some voters, but no. All you gotta do is take a look at the base of that guy’s neck and you can see a scar that looks like someone shot him in the neck. I guess he didn’t lie. Go Russians.
-Why is Seacrest Out wearing those ridiculous patterned t-shirts on the night of performances that are about 10 sizes too small? Who’s dressing this guy?
-I thought Simon couldn’t have said it better after Jessica performed “The Boys are Back in Town” when he said, “There isn’t a more appropriate song that you could’ve sang tonight.” For those that take the yellow bus to school, he was referring to the fact that the only thing anyone watching at home could’ve possibly noticed about that performance was her giant rack squeezed together forming some hellacious cleavage. Holy smokes. I was waiting for the “AC”, and “N” to appear at the top of my screen during that performance.
-And oh yeah, I paused my TiVo when Jessica had a big smile on her face, and I swear I counted 76 teeth in her mouth. But I might’ve missed a couple. I’ll report back next week.
-I think the most pressing question with this remaining twelve contestants isn’t “Who will be this season’s American Idol?” I think it’s more like, “Which contestants are currently banging each other?” Because god knows there’s gotta be one fling going on. I think Mikalah and the Russian are doing the nasty. She’d hurt him. Oh, she’s only 17? My bad. Make that Mikalah and Beau Bice. She likes the older men.
-Sad to see the “Real World: Philly” come to an end. I was beginning to think this season was going to last one full calendar year. And when does “Real World: Austin” start? Lemme guess. Like next week or something. I’m convinced every other single reality show known to mankind will eventually fade away except “Real World”. And I’ll keep watching. Except when they head somewhere in Europe again. I could give a crap what happens over there.
-At the beginning of the finale, Shavonda was perfectly content on just having sex with Landon. No strings attached. Just sex whenever she wants it. So, Shavonda’s a guy? Is that normal? I’ve never heard of something like that. From a female at least.
-And after all Landon and Shavonda had been through, I was so glad to see them get one final shower in together. Just very touching. Pretty much summed up everything I needed to know about those two. I hope he soaped her down well. Might be his last chance considering the “Miz” has probably already staked her out in the “Inferno” as his next prey.
-I don’t know what was the more touching moment of the finale: MJ kissing Willie on the cheek goodbye, or, the group not punching Melanie in the face before she left.
-I watch every episode of the “Ashlee Simpson” show, and I constantly find myself asking myself this one particular question: “Why the hell am I watching this?” There really isn’t a compelling reason to watch her career develop other than I want to see her “Saturday Night Live” fiasco and Orange Bowl performance. Yet I sit there week after week with baited breath as Ryan ignores her and she starts to pout. Is there medicine I can take for this?
-And the storylines they show are just so random. “Next week, Ashlee buys Christmas presents.” Is Ashlee Simpson buying Christmas presents any different from when I go buy Christmas presents? Other than I wait til December 23rd, is there really anything exciting about shopping? I don’t get it.
-Even if you’re not a boxing fan, a lot of you should check out the “Contender”. Especially if you watch “Apprentice” and “Survivor”. Mark Burnett rarely signs his name on to something that’s crap, excluding the “Casino”. “Contender” will be on again tonight with a new episode, then it’ll be in its regular time slot Sunday night. Good show. And I’d talk about Monday’s episode but I’m tired and I want to go to bed. But just watch. You’ll be entertained.
Return to the realitysteve.com home page