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WEEK OF 4.11.05
Thoughts on the last week of reality television. Shows include “Survivor”, the “Apprentice”, “American Idol”, and the “Miss USA Pageant”.
-Is “Survivor” going out of its way to stack the odds against Stephenie (yes, I’ve misspelled her name since the show started. There is no “a” in it. My apologies) so when she finally ends up winning this whole thing, it’ll be like this amazing comeback? How they’re handling Stephenie’s character is very similar to Chris from last season. Don’t be surprised if we get the same result. Or her at least getting to the final four.
-Speaking of the final four, I have a question. Tom mentioned last week about an alliance that he formed with Ian, Katie, and Stephenie on Day Two. Maybe I’ve already forgotten the first episode, but didn’t they go straight from that boat to the island and begin picking teams? How could they have already formed an alliance? I definitely could be wrong on this and maybe they didn’t pick tribes until Day Two. Heck, I blew it on my “American Idol” conspiracy theory last week, so it’s certainly not out of the question I’m wrong about this as well.
-Did they really have to go to the “I’m-the-gay-guy-and-never-got-picked-for-any-reindeer-games-when-I-was-a-kid” card last week? Was that necessary? The guy is by no means embarrassing himself out there on the island. His performance in the challenges speaks for itself. Although, he definitely should do something about that marble bag he’s walking around in. I could do without that.
-I actually was pretty disappointed when Bobby Jon got eliminated. He began to grow on me. One of the few people on this show I disliked immensely in the beginning but then grew to like. Granted, he was as sharp as a mashed potato sandwich, but he was likable. I just don’t know how one tribe can possibly get beat down as bad as that tribe did with what seemed like very capable people. Something that’ll never be surpassed in “Survivor” lore: seven straight Immunity wins. Nice effort, Ulong. You did good.
-Thankfully now Korar will start picking off some of their own. Get rid of the dead wood like Caren and Jen and Greg. As much as I’d like to see shots of Jen’s dumper around camp for a few more days, I don’t think she’s really long for this game. Especially the way she’s attached to the hip with Peter Brady. Those two need to get a room. And now that they won the soap and toothpaste reward challenge, you know those two are going at it like rabbits. Why do you think she wanted to take a shower so badly when they won the 55 gallon water jug? Surprised she didn’t offer to take tandem showers to save water?
-Not that Chris has any chance in hell of becoming the next “Apprentice”, but any chance that he may have possibly had was shot to hell this past weekend when he was arrested for public intoxicatin and disorderly conduct at party down in Florida. In case you missed it, he got into a minor scuffle with police officers for, unbelievably enough, berating them when he was drunk. No, really. I’m not kidding. Yeah, Chris from the “Apprentice”. You know, the cool, calm, collected kid with the great attitude. I know. Him berating cops when he’s drunk? I didn’t see it coming either. Anyway, he posted bail, he’s out of hole, and now he’s free to go back to being the most angry human in the world.
-Is there a reason he’s lasted for six straight boardrooms? What naked pictures of Trump does this guy have in his possession? Granted, Anjie had every right to get booted last week for basically swallowing her tongue during her presentation. That was embarrassing. I thought she was gonna pass out. All Chris did was lose a credit card and spend four hours of doing nothing. Better than blowing up on people.
-With only two females, I still think one of them is going to win it. However, this season has clearly showed that this show is on the decline. Look at all these remaining contestants and compare them to Bill and Kelly. It’s not even close. Whoever wins this couldn’t hold a candle to either of these guys. Craig? Bren? Chris? Please. Alex is the only male I could possibly even see winning this thing, and even he comes across as way too much of a push over. Does Trump really have to hire someone? What if he doesn’t want to? Can’t he just take a pass until next season?
-How come Bill got to make appearances in Season 2 and this season, but Kelly hasn’t been part of the boardroom at all? Did he already get fired? Can’t we see him doing something productive before his year contract is up and goes back to doing what he was doing before?
-What’s the big surprise that happens “after the boardroom” this week? Well, if it’s anything like the how they promo’ed last week’s show, expect another disappointment. They were making it seem like one team completely missed their appointment, when all they were was a few minutes late. A lot of overpromising on this show. And underperforming. That’s my business side speaking.
-Thank you to the numerous people who emailed me last week to clear up my alleged “American Idol” conspiracy theory. I had a feeling they did a taped rehearsal to show for the clips, but my question now is just “Why?” You’re telling me in an hour show you can’t pull a 10 second clip of someone’s performance we just saw? And what if they clip they show at the end that’s from rehearsal is better, or worse, than their performance American saw and wants to vote on? Is that fair? Whatever. The 30 million 12 year olds that vote every week don’t care, so neither should I.
-During last week’s results show, one glaring question popped into my head. No, not “Why did Nikko get eliminated and Scott live to sing another day?” It was, “How on God’s green earth did Fantasia win this thing last season?” Did you watch that performance? It was terrible. TERRIBLE. I’m sorry, that’s not singing. She screamed that whole freakin’ song. When she performed it in the finale last year, it wasn’t half bad. But that was embarrassing last week. And of course, there’s drunk Paula standing up, waving her arms, acting like it’s the best thing she ever heard. Take a valium Paula. And quit mixing your vodka with vodka.
-A few weeks ago I posed the question: Which of the final twelve contestants are boinking? Well, looks like we may have our answer. According to sources, apparently Scott and Nadia like to play hide the pickle every once in a while. Now, before you say that’s crazy, remember, they are the only two in the competition who have children. They haven’t talked about it on the show yet, but Nadia has a daughter. So it isn’t that far fetched these two have latched on to each other. Good for them. Just don’t let him throw the phone at your head, Nadia. Be sure to duck.
-One of the local papers here in Southern California had some professional singing coach break down the final nine heading into last week. In one of the more unbelievable things I’ve ever read, he called Carrie Underwood a “chub”. Her? What does that make Scott? I can’t imagine what he would’ve called Jessica Sierra if she was still around? Maybe a Kirstie Alley wannabe? Geez. I wish I would’ve kept that column and remembered that pud’s name. What an idiot.
-Let’s make sure we never have a “musicals” theme ever again. Please. I’m begging them. I had never heard of any of those songs before. Sure, I had heard of most of the musicals they were in, but I hadn’t seen any of them. I think every song they sing should be from the 80’s or 90’s. Look, whoever wins is going to end up singing either country, R&B, or Pop. Why do they have to show they can sing a musical? Who cares?
-I literally caught the first five minutes of the “Miss USA Pageant” last night, and that’s about all I needed to see. “I’M KERRY ROGERS, 23, MISS GEORGIA USA!!!!!” All 50 of them I sat through. “(Fake smile) Name, (fake smile) age, (big fake smile), Miss (whatever state they’re from ) USA!!!” I don’t know who won, and I don’t care. Well, yes I do. But I couldn’t imagine sitting through two hours of that nonsense. How come women’s rights activists aren’t protesting in front of events like this? Honestly, tell me something more degrading to women than a beauty pageant? You can’t. Stand in front of us in a bikini, twirl around, answer a question about the world hunger, and we’ll judge whether we think you’re the prettiest woman in the world. Yeah, that’s something I’d get myself involved in. Unbelievable.
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