RETURN TO THE REALITYROUNDUP INDEX	REALITY ROUNDUP WEEK OF 4.12.04 Thoughts on the last week of reality television.... -I completely forgot last week to cover the "Average Joe: Adam only got a four week show" finale. In a word: Predictable. All show they made us think Rachel would win with the parents hating the other girl, and Rachel making his mother cry, blah blah blah....So what does Adam do? Of course he picks looks over charm and personality. I already forgot the girls name that he chose, but could she have possibly been any more materialistic? I think her favorite hobbies were shopping, shopping, and....oh yeah....shopping. And frankly, she wasn't all that much better looking than Rachel, just had the sexier, horny look as opposed to Rachel with the "innocent-on-the-outside-will-screw-like-a-rabbit-behind-closed-doors" look. Or something like that. -Isn't it hilarious how Adam basically got dumped by Melana because of his looks, then with all the male race riding on his shoulders, and his chance to prove that, yes, there are some good guys out there, he totally faceplants and picks the bimbo over the good girl. Man, women must hate all men now. Adam Metz was no different than Bob Guiney. Fat, chubby happy guy that fooled all of America into thinking he was one of the good guys, when in reality, he was just as big a pig as the next guy. Job well done, Adam. -Now, there could possibly be a psychological study as to why Adam chose the chick he did. Let's face it, maybe his thinking is this: Guys like Adam who normally don't pull women who look like she did, maybe has so little self-esteem, that to compensate for his "average" looks, he feels he needs to associate himself with someone better looking than him, thus maybe thinking that improves his looks. That could be it. Nah. He's just a pig. -And for those that don't know, NBC is doing an "Average Jane" this summer, where one supermodel man will choose from fifteen "average" girls. Is this ever going to stop? No? Good. Gives me more material to write about. I hope 5 years from now we're talking about "Geriatric Joe". Old people dating. Now that would be funny. -There sure are rumors flying all around about these "Apprentices" all sleeping with each other. Here's what we do know: Katrina told "TV Guide" in an interview that Amy slept with Nick DURING the show's filming. She even said it happened in Atlantic City. Katrina also said that Amy slept with Bill, AFTER the show finished taping. Hey, if Katrina says it, I believe it. I don't care that Amy came back and said denied both charges. Not good enough for me. If I hear she banged two of the top four guys, I'll just continue to believe that. -As for Nick, in his interview with "TV Guide", he said that yes he and Amy did date once the show ended, but now they're not because he's in L.A., she's in Austin, and neither of them were moving anywhere. However, Nick did rush to Katrina's defense an awful lot for her actions, so in my book, that means they pounded it out as well. Hey, if a = b, and b = c, then a = c. Or whatever that theory was. -In Amy's "TV Guide" interview, she said the reason Katrina threw out all those lovely allegations towards her was because Katrina was upset the producers "cast" her as the "sex" girl who used her sexuality to win projects, whereas Amy was portrayed as the brains behind the projects. There may be some truth to that, but sorry, not good enough for me. I still believe Katrina's side of everything. Call me a sucker. -Then there are more rumors floating around that Bill slept with two girls from the show AFTER it finished filming. Those two are rumored to be Amy and Katrina. Hey, if it's a rumor, I believe it. AND in addition, Bill is now engaged to someone not related to the show at all. That's outstanding. This guy may have just passed Nick Lachey as the new pin-up guy in my room. For those keeping score at home, here's the current "rumor" tally..... Nick - slept with Amy during the show, dated her after the show, currently seeing someone else Bill - slept with Amy and Katrina after the show finished, currently engaged to someone unrelated to the show (and no, it's not Jen from "Bachelor 3" as was reported by some bogus source) -Amy - had wild sex with Nick in Atlantic City, tried keeping the sex going after the show stopped so moved on to a one-nighter with Bill, now currently dating someone in Austin, Tx. -Katrina - slept with Bill after the show, currently engaged to someone unrelated to the show (Booooooooo) -Troy & Kwame - the happiest couple to come out of the show. Their love for one another cannot be denied. -As for the biggest rumor spoiler regarding tonight's finale, NO ONE knows who wins. So anyone who tells you they know, they don't. It's a LIVE finale, they're doing a LIVE boardroom, followed by a LIVE hiring. So by that logic, I'm guessing only Donald and his two associates know who he's going to pick. Anyone who tells you otherwise is just guessing. -Who do I want to see win? I like both guys so I don't really care at this point. But I said I thought Bill would win back in Week 3, so I'll stick with that. Put it this way, if Kwame doesn't win, I don't think he'll be living under any overpasses anytime soon. He's pretty much set. However, I do think the Omarosa screwing up all the plans was a set up. She can't possibly be that stupid knowing that the cameras were right in her face and catching her lying. Could she? Seems far fetched, but you never know with her. -Feel free to go out and buy this month's "FHM" Magazine with Amy, Katrina, Kristi, and Ereka posing in lingerie. I think I might have to pick up a copy of that. Might have some good articles in it. Granted, it's no "Jenna-and-Heidi-naked-going-chest-to-chest-in-'Playboy'", but I can think of worse ways to blow five bucks. -Boy, Boston Rob sure was happy he got his toy back this week, wasn't he? My God. I thought he was going to break down balling again. Their love cannot be broken. They're two peas in a pod. They're already planning a wedding. Gee, wouldn't it be hysterical if these two made it to the final two? I mean, just hysterical. Wouldn't that put a damper on the wedding plans? You know once they nail it down to the final two, someone inevitably asks each one to give a reason as to why the OTHER person shouldn't win the million dollars. What is Wobbie gonna said bad about his future wife? That could be a problem. No sex for at least, AT LEAST, 24 hours. -Outside of Rob Cesternino, the ultimate strategist, I don't think anyone was more disappointed to getting the boot than Lex. But when you dig your own grave, you must lie in it. He took the chance to keep Amber on the island to do a favor for his buddy, and his buddy took a giant mechete and shoved it in his back. Let's let bygones be bygones. Well, not according to Lex. Lex said in an interview that he and Rob were very close before the game started, which is why he saved Amber for him, but since Rob's backstabbing, he claims he still respects the guy but can never be his friend again. C'mon Lexy. It's only a game. -The old Chapera of Rupert, Jenna, Big Neck, & Romber have a stranglehold on this game. I mean, Shi Ann, Kathy, & Alicia (even though she's an original Chapera), might as well start packing their bags. They have no chance. The question here is, of the five strongest (Rupert, Jenna, Big Neck, & Romber), which one gets cut loose before the final four? Considering Big Neck is the 2nd strongest player remaining behind Rob, I'll guess him. As close as Rob is to Tom, if he can stab Lex in the back, certainly he can go after Tom with less guilt. -Tonight is the annual tear jerker where they get to somehow reunite with family. Looks like they'll appearing via the VCR this time. I wonder if anyone's gonna try and pull the whole "We had a death in the family" so let's let so-and-so win this challenge. That would be a miracle if someone could pull that off again. Probably not. Really can't see Rupert Fairplay pulling a fast one on everyone out there. -Did you notice how Boston Rob won last week's Tylenol "Push Through the Pain" award? For what? Well, for losing Amber to the other team. Awwwwwww.....bet that year supply of Tylenol is really gonna help him once the wedding is finalized. Usually you get bad headaches after having sex 12 times a day. Poor Romber. -I checked out a good 45 minutes of the Miss USA Pageant on NBC Monday. Yikes. I think Miss Oklahoma is still looking for a clue. What a windtunnel that chick was. She was the epitome of a beauty pageant contestant. Blonde, long legs, gorgeous, great body, mush for brains. The questions that she had to answer, she couldn't have answered any shorter if she tried. "Yes", "No", "Yeah, hopefully", "Ha ha ha ha ha" - definitely on the waiting list for M.E.N.S.A. -What's with chicks from Missouri being so hot? In case you didn't know, Miss Missouri took home the title because she was blonde, good looking, ridiculous body, and she could put a couple sentences together without wetting herself when asked. Anyway, we have the new Miss Missouri, we've got Melana from "Average Joe", and Larissa from "Average Joe: Hawaii" all from Missouri and all being former pageant representatives from that state. What do they put in the water out there? -Billy Bush was the host along with Nancy O'Dell, that 90 lb. piece from "Access Hollywood". Gee, you think Billy Bush put in his time working his way up from market to market, fighting and clawing to get on such a prestigious show? Or maybe pops and grandpops being the Prez had a little to do with it? No, I'm not bitter. How can I be when I see how talented the guy is? Props to him for having an important dad. -Was it just me, or did everyone who came out in the swimsuit competition decide to all suck their stomachs in? That didn't look to healthy. Everyone's stomach line bent inwards right underneath the rib cage. Either they had a peanut for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every night leading up to the show, or, they were holding their breath until they passed out and got in line with the other pieces of meat. Beauty pageants are quite the spectacle aren't they? I continuously find myself asking the television screen, "Are these women for real? That's really her smile?" They've perfected that perma-smile haven't they? I wonder if that is surgically done right before the show and can get easily removed once the competition's over? -Speaking of beauty pageants, I did check out "The Swan" on Monday. I really liked this show the first 100 times it was on ABC and called "Extreme Makeover". Outside of pitting two girls against one another to be chosen to advance in a beauty pageant, exactly what's the difference? And why are foreign chicks always hosting shows on Fox? "Forever Eden" has one, this show has one, "Joe Millionaire 2" had one, and so did "The Littlest Groom". Is there an influx of European female game show hosts that all need to catch a break in America? This needs to stop. -I was just kind of shocked they picked the second girl to advance over the blonde. That second girl wanted to keep stuffing ice cream down her face. But they said she was uglier before the surgery, she had a longer way to go to look half way decent. I’m sure that’s a shot to self-esteem right there. The blonde should’ve advanced. -22 million people watched “The Swan” this week? Are you kidding me? Seems like it’d be more of an L.A. type show since you’d be in the minority if you HAVEN’T had plastic surgery out here. With technology the way it is today, and having already seen this done numerous times on “Extreme Makeover”, I’m just honestly not shocked at what any of these people turn out to look like. I don’t care how ugly they were to begin with, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen em’ all. They were ugly, and now they’re 1,000 times better looking than they were. Plain and simple. It’s the same thing over and over every week. But I’ll watch. -“High School Reunion” gets better and better by the minute. I’m just a little confused to how there about two episodes from the finale, yet there hasn’t been any storyline surrounding about five of the people on the show. “The Wallflower”, “The Player”, and “The Teen Mom” to name a few. Why? Guess they didn’t bring enough baggage on the show. Oh well. Their loss. -Johnny and Louann are definitely struggling in their feelings for one another. Johnny can get over the unbelievable sex they had the other night when they had a sleep over, and Louann’s pissed her boyfriend back home is now gonna find out. C’mon Louann. Just go back with Johnny. He’s a good enough guy. He’ll treat you well. Besides, that slab of meat you have back home never dated you when you had those horrible bangs and bright red lipstick anyway. That’s the real Louann Johnny knows and loves. -The geek got his big date last week to Dave & Buster’s and we get nothing on him this week. Nada. What happened? Did he get some? Did she turn him down? Does he still have large gums and small teeth? -I don’t need Gabe the Jock out there growing a conscience. The SS Heather gets another “Hall Pass” to basically try and seduce the guy and he turns her down? What? Gabe, that’s free nookie. She’s practically throwing it in your face. “No, I came here to experience hanging out with all these people. I made a promise to myself to do that.” B.S. You mean your ex has that damn leash tied so tight around your neck, you can’t leave without pissing her off. -If there was always one thing I could count on this show, it was that Gabe and Heather would rekindle their purely sexual relationship from 11 years ago just so she could throw it in Denise’s face. Now, I can’t even do that. Gabe is the most disappointing character on the show. Booooooooo. -Are TJ and the gay guy gonna become lovers now or something? What was that? Two episodes ago they were boxing in a ring, and now they’re throwing compliments at each other like it’s going out of style. Another thing I don’t need. Hey, maybe this show isn’t as good as I thought it was. -Wrong. It’s better. Heather the SS is still bitching about Denise threatening to kill her 11 years ago. And beat her up. And pull her by the hair to the ground. And follow her home and make fun of her. Denise is living in some fantasy world that I’d like to visit someday. Apparently in her world, your ex husbands come running back to you even though they broke it off with you. Can’t imagine why. Denise seems so down-to-earth and easy to deal with. -Are you telling me there’s a wedding at the end of this thing? With who? Hey, I’m all for Johnny and Louann knocking it out, but marriage? After 10 days together? Ahhh…no. Gabe and Denise? Hell no. In fact, I’m writing the producers if that happens. “The Pipsqueak” and the other Sophomore Slut? I guess that could be it. Seems realistic. They haven’t seen each other in 11 years, and even then, she never spoke to him in high school. 11 years later, “Wanna get married? I had a great time in the hot tub?” “Sure.” Sounds right for those two horndogs. -And finally we have our friends over at the “Real World”. Boy, Cameran really showed why she’s such a teenager, didn’t she? Holy smokes. Why didn’t she just write Brad a note? Or punch him in the arm on the playground? She may be hot, but she sure is completely out of her element in San Diego. -As for Brad, that piece of white trash he picked up at the bar was priceless. Jackie was no doubt not applying for M.I.T. when this show was over. She was the poster girl for every drunk bimbo’ed blonde you’ve ever met in a bar that wanted to go home and sleep with you. I’m sure she’s very clean, too. -Asian girl (sorry, forgot her name): “Brad likes dumb, easily influenced girls.” Which is why you know he and Cameran will be all over each other later in the season. The over-the-top “I hate Brad” episode was only to throw us off into thinking nothing ever happens between those two, when we know it will. Which will make Cameran look even more hypocritical than she already is. -Drunk Brad to Drunk Jackie as she straddles him out on the porch: “What do you want to do?” Drunk Jackie to Drunk Brad: “You.” Ding, ding, ding. Brad and Jackie head straight to the room to knock the paintings off the walls while the other roommates try to peek under the curtain. Who in God’s name wants to watch those two go at it? -Cameran: “I’m beginning to realize now that Brad is a player.” Really? What gave you that impression? The probably unprotected sex he just had with that nymphomaniac? Or could it be the fact that he’s tried to get laid every single time he’s stepped foot out of that pad. Which one is it, Cam? Enlighten me. -Cameran: “I’ve never had an orgasm.” Roommates: “Never?” Cameran: “Well, not from a guy. Only from my vibrator.” Could she possibly be any younger? Then Cameran proceeds to tell us she’s only had sex with one guy in her life. Well, there’s the answer to your problem, oh sex goddess. She’s not coming across very well in this episode. -Asian girl (sorry, still don’t remember the name): “Do I have to be stupid in order to get a guy?” Not if you’re after Brad or Randy. If you have a heartbeat, you’re fair game with them. This Jacqueseseseseses is really scaring me. He’s always just in the background observing everyone else having sex, and commenting on everyone else having sex, and trying to solve all the problems in the house. What’s with this guy? -Next week, we get to see Frankie stalked by her guy whose earrings have completely taken over his whole ear. Another shocker. And apparently Dave doesn’t show up to save her. Anything involving Frankie is hilarious. She’s by far the most interesting character on that show. Return to the realitysteve.com home page
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