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WEEK OF 4.18.05
Thoughts on the last week of reality television. Shows include “Survivor”, the “Apprentice”, “American Idol”, the “Contender”, the “Inferno II”, and “Meet the Barkers”.
-I think it’s pretty safe to say that Stephenie all but locked up a spot in the final four for herself with the Korar tribe dumping Coby last week. Now, the show will try and pull the ol’ bait and switch on you, and they’ll try and convince us that someone else might be going home, but rest assured, the next four people to go in no particular order will be: Caryn, Jen, Greg, and Janu.
-Barring any unforseen circumstances, I’m guessing only three people have a shot to win this thing: Tom, Ian, and Stephenie. Put it this way, if Stephenie gets in the finals, she wins. Who wouldn’t vote for her? Korar seemed to all hate each other anyway, especially Tom’s dictatorship. And I’m guessing if they don’t like Tom, they wouldn’t vote for Ian thinking that he just rode his coattails. I’d be pretty shocked if Stephenie doesn’t win this season. And if she does, good for her. It’ll be the first season since “Thailand” that someone who deserved to win actually did.
-Maybe this only interests me, but have you noticed Tom’s right bicep? It’s about half the size of his left one. Probably ripped it in half at some point in his life. But it looks really funny when he’s trying to make a muscle. Check that out next time you see him flexing. I’m sure he suffered that injury trying to rescue hundreds of people from a burning building. Probably succeeded too since he’s like Mr. Superman or something.
-For a guy as strong as he is, and for a NY firefighter, damn, he sure gets loopy off a couple shots of liquor. Wow. I thought the guy was gonna die the way he stumbled around camp after a few shots. Easy there, chief. Get a hold of yourself.
-How many of you were starting to get Heidi/Jenna flashbacks the minute everyone got up on their perches during the Immunity Challenge? I think even Ian referenced them taking off all their clothes. But man, if only somehow Probst could’ve bribed Caryn to take it all off….man that would’ve been something. Uhhhh, kidding. I’d rather gouge myself with a pair of scissors. But if Stephanie and Jen wanted to go tag-team and drop trou, I don’t think I would’ve had any problem with that whatsoever.
-This isn’t really “Survivor” related…well, maybe it is. Since Rob and Amber success on “Amazing Race” this season has everyone glued to their set, they figured they’d get in on the “Survivor” popularity and I heard Rupert and his wife will be on next season. Unless Rupert demands too much appearance money, then I guess they won’t be.
-Somehow, Drunk/Angry/Psychotic Chris managed to be a loser for seven straight weeks and survive….until now. Perfect timing too. The guy gets busted for public belligerence the very same week he gets booted from the show. Rough week. And you know it wasn’t a coincidence either, right? You know Chris has been steaming ever since getting booted from the show, he realized his fifteen minutes was just about up, so to keep himself in the news, he gets lubed up and arrested at a party. This guy’s got it all figured out.
-After Chris got fired, I thought Trump was going to sit him on his lap and tell him a bedtime story. That was bizarre. And you could tell the walk out to the cab was filmed before the season started because Chris wasn’t all disheveled afterwards. I think he was actually smiling for some reason.
-I was thinking about it and I came up with this: What has Craig actually done since he’s been there? I think he’s won once as a project manager, but that’s it. He might be headed back to his little shoe shine stand pretty soon. I couldn’t possibly see him running one of Trump’s companies. Same with Bren. Can someone with a bowtie possibly be taken serious enough at an important Trump business meeting? So I’m still gonna stick with my female pick, and since Kendra has assured herself a spot in the final four, I’ll stay with her. Although I’m not too confident right now. Seems a little too young for all this.
-I know Kendra is not from Southern California, but she sure could pass for a Valley Girl the way she talks with her hands all the time. That girl just can’t stay still at all. Someone needs to sedate her every once in a while. I wonder since her, Craig, and Tana didn’t go to the boardroom last time if Trump knows that Craig and Tana quit on their last task. That can’t possibly bode well for them that they went to sleep on a task while one person did all the work, can it?
-You know how when it gets down to the final two, each one chooses three previous players to join their team in the final task? How much are you willing to bet me that Erin and Stephanie will be in those final six they choose from? $1,000? $10,000? Trump still has a hard on for Erin. There’s no way he doesn’t jump at the chance to bring her back. I would too. Remember, www.erinelmore.com. Great pictures. And no, I’m not being compensated in any way for plugging her….site.
-Don’t you love it when “American Idol” drags out the results show to an hour long? More bad jokes from Seacrest Out, and more loopy shots of Paula Abdul. When will this all come to a crashing end for her? Don’t you think when Simon, Randy, and Seacrest Out are all having a beer before or after the show, they sit around saying, “Can you believe how bombed out she was tonight?” The stories between those three must be endless. What do they care though? They’re laughing all the way to the bank.
-You know what I can’t stand during the results show? How Seacrest Out actually has to keep flipping open that card to tell us who’s been eliminated. Like he doesn’t know. Especially last week, he tells us, “You will not believe who’s in the final three tonight.” Then we get to the final three, they’re standing there, and he has to open up his card to tell us Scott is safe. You ain’t foolin’ anyone there, bleach boy. Nice t-shirts.
-You know what’s pretty amazing? They’ve been doing “American Idol” for four seasons now and we’ve seen people forget words the songs, and we’ve seen people sing out of tune, but not once has someone’s voice completely gone out on them. Imagine someone trying to hit a high note then all the sudden they go through puberty? And it doesn’t even have to be that extreme. I’m surprised someone hasn’t had to drop out because of laryngitis or something. Or acid reflux. Oh wait. Ashlee Simpson just made up that condition.
-The reason “American Idol” has boffo ratings every week, and the reason it’s always the #1 show in America is because everyone has a different favorite person. Just in the office I work in, one girl loves Bo and can’t stand Constantine. One guy that watches thinks Scott is somehow gonna end up in the final four and he hates Anwar and Constantine. I know. Pretty ridiculous, huh? That’s why I have money on it with him. The bet is, if Scott makes the final four, I owe him $10. If he doesn’t, he owes me $10. If Constantine makes it, he owes me $10, and I owe him $10 if he doesn’t. I have a feeling I’ll be about $20 richer very shortly. What a sucker bet.
-I break it down like this with seven people left: Carrie is the best female singer, Anwar is the best male singer, and Constantine is the best performer. What that means in the end, who knows? Sometimes America is real screwy on how they vote. And they don’t necessarily follow what the judges say after the performances. I mean, the judges killed Anthony three weeks in a row for being horrible, and he only went to the bottom three once. By the way, the only reason they didn’t kill Anthony again this week is because they didn’t want to make him cry. He was brutal yet again.
-I think Constantine solidified himself in the final four after last week. He’s getting better, Bo’s performances aren’t, and there’s too many 12 year old girls glued to their phone once this show ends. He’s got them wrapped around his finger. But his “Boehemian Rhapsody” performance was one of the top three all season. Along with Carrie’s 80’s song performance and Vonzell’s “I Have Nothing”. I should be a judge.
-I only caught a glimpse of the last “Inferno II”, but I saw enough of it to know that the Miz is still a complete whack job, and that Karamo is hated by his teammates. Shocker. And because it was Landon that took him out in the challenge, does that mean Karamo wants to slit his throat again? And does Landon realize he’s not nearly as interesting when he isn’t completely sloshed all the time? Sober Landon is boring. Put some alcohol in this guy. Have him start humping Shavonda again. Do something. This is getting ridiculous here.
-I haven’t talked about the “Contender” in a while, but if anyone still has Sunday’s episode on TiVo, not only if you go slo-mo will you be able to figure out which fighter they bring back, but, you can also get a glimpse of two of the upcoming fights. I’m surprised they gave it away like that. Didn’t they realize geeks like me would be all over that?
-I’m impressed with the show so far. It’s compelling, it’s got good characters, they incorporated the family aspect into everything, and every fighter seems to have a hot girlfriend or wife by his side. And a couple kids. That’s always important. I think Joey Gilbert is the only one who doesn’t have a wife or a girlfriend. Well, he will if he wins the thing. He’ll probably have one the night after he wins the final fight. In Vegas? Please. He could buy one at “Crazyhorse Too”.
-There is no further proof than “Meet the Barkers” that if you’re in a band, you can pull ridiculously hot women. Travis Barker couldn’t possibly be any skinnier or uglier, yet this guy somehow ends up with Shana Moakler, Oscar De La Hoya’s sloppy seconds? What? Explain that one to me. I saw five minutes of this show and watched in complete amazement. Not because it was any good, but because I found myself asking, “What could Shana Moakler and this cheesedick possibly have in common?” Well, nothing. Except for possibly sex, drugs, and money. Hey, good enough for me. Let’s get married. Unbelievable.
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