RETURN TO THE REALITYROUNDUP INDEX	REALITY ROUNDUP WEEK OF 4.19.04 Thoughts on the last week of reality television...... -I missed "The Swan" on Monday. However, I think I have an idea how it turned out. Butt ugly girl gets her eyes, forehead, lips, teeth, cheeks, nose, breasts, hips, butt, thighs, and calves surgically repaired, is a completely new person, and cries when she finally gets to see what she looks like. Rinse. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat. You get the point. However, I will watch next week when apparently some guy gets upset his chick goes through all the surgery cuz' he thinks she'll dump his sorry ass once she looks better, and he still looks like crap. And he should be upset, because I'm sure that's exactly what she'll do. Good for her. -I think Kwame took a little too much heat in the boardroom for picking Omarosa to join his team. Remember, Bill picked first, then Kwame, then it kept alternating. Well, we know there wasn't a chance in hell Bill was going to pick Omarosa, so Kwame would've ended up with her anyway. And he knew that. Plus, he did want to fire her, he just didn't know if he could. And neither did we. So in that aspect, I was on Kwame's side. -As for Bill winning, maybe I'm the only one who thinks this, but it seemed like he gets the worst deal of any of them. Granted, making $250,000 a year heading up a skyscraper project in your hometown of Chicago is nothing to be upset about, but basically once Bill was chosen, he had two jobs to choose from: the golf resort out here in California, or the skyscraper in Chicago. Look at everyone else. Every single of those people now has the pick of the litter in terms of job offers coming in. Amy's already been offered a job by Trump to work in the Trump Towers, Kwame got a job offer THAT NIGHT at a post-show party by Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, Omarosa has an endorsement deal in place with Clairol, etc...I'm not feeling sorry for Bill at all because he got a great gig, but, let's remember something: He's heading up basically a real estate project, which he has no experience in. Plus, there's already people in the industry who say that building will never get built because Trump is having serious financial difficulty with it. So how fired up will Bill be for that gig? Time will tell. I just know that most of the other people on the show can pick and choose where they want to go. -Nick and Amy weren't the only two messing around on the "Apprentice". Nick told TV Guide that Bowie and what's-her-face hooked up. The chick from Minnesota with the whiny voice. Nice. Definitely needed to hear that. -How many of you were fooled when Trump told Bill, "You're hired", then revealed that last scene was live in a studio? C'mon people. You know Mark Burnett from "Survivor". You know how he loves to film that dramatic final live. I hope you didn't fall for that. Plus, if you're a major dork like me, you could tell once they called Kwame and Bill back into the suite, that they were live. The lighting was different, the screen looked different, and his associate George looked like he'd aged about 10 years. I have a lot of time on my hands. A lot. -How kind of Boston Rob to sacrifice a home video of his brother to let everyone read their letters from home? Brought a tear to my eye. Then to go right after Kathy, after last week sticking it to his boy Lex, had to warm your heart. Hey, I don't fault the guy. I'd have done the same thing. Good job, Rob. Just don't except RSVP's from either of them when you send out the wedding invitations. Hope you and Amber's baby is healthy and happy. -You know what the most amazing thing about Jeff Probst is? This is now the 8th season of "Survivor", and he doesn't look a day older or a pound heavier than he did back in the first season. Who is this guy, Dick Clark? I think the only difference is he wears more lame product-endorsement hats during the challenges. Guess that comes with the territory. -I think it's safe to say that Rob Mariano has completely controlled this game from Day One. With that in mind, Kathy had it right when she told the other people to turn against Romber to vote them out, or else they're gonna get picked off as well. Of course, the dolts didn't listen, and Romber remain steadily in control of everything that's going on there. Shi Ann has absolutely zero chance of winning the whole thing unless she pulls a Kelly/Colby-like run of Immunity wins, which is about as likely as Big Neck making any sense when he speaks. -Did anyone catch the name of Big Neck's son? Billy Joe Bob Buck? Or Bucko? I thought Jeff was kidding when he introduced his son. And after watching his video clip, I think we're pretty accurate when stating that the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree in that family. Yikes. -Now, after all the final voting is made, and these people had five or six months pass by from the time they last voted to the time when the finale airs, you can't tell me everyone on the jury hasn't been emailing each other asking who they voted for. They have to be sharing their votes. Especially in this show since they're all friends anyway. You don't think Lex, Kathy, and Shi Ann have mentioned once in the last six months to each other who they voted for? C'mon. There's no way they can monitor this thing. -That's the one major hurdle that Boston Rob has working against him. If he gets to the finals, there's no chance in hell he gets Lex & Kathy's vote after what he did. Now he has to get votes from four of the remaining five people on the jury, which'll be tough. His best hope is to get to the finals with Amber, then I guess it wouldn't matter who won because they'd probably just put it into their joint checking account. -As great of a show as "Survivor" is, and as original a concept as it was when it really became the first ever "reality" show to start this craze (I'm not counting "Real World"), "Survivor" has one major flaw that the "Apprentice" doesn't: The best person doesn't always win. In the "Apprentice", it's all based off of performance, and your eventual boss is voting you out, not your peers. Of the seven "Survivors" that have been completed, I think you can say only three of the winners were the best players in their particular season: Fat, naked, gay Hatch, Ethan the Pimp, and Brian the Porn Star. -Colby was by far the most dominant in "Australia", and he didn't win (however, through no fault of his own for taking Tina to the Finals. Idiot). "Marquesas" should've been won by Kathy. She got hosed because her breast fell out of her shirt in one of the final Immunities which ultimately cost her the game. Rob Cesternino is one of the top three players to ever play the game, and he finished 4th in the "Amazon". And last season in "Pearl Islands", you could make a case that Rupert, or that prick Johnny Fairplay played the game the best. But I guess that's what makes the show so good. -Call me crazy, but I am still a shill for Jasmine Trias. The audience seems to be listening to me now that she was one of the top three vote getters last night. Am I shocked Jennifer Hudson got booted? Not really. Too much in-your-face singing for my taste. And I'm not kidding when I say this, during her performance Tuesday, there was a good 30-45 seconds straight where I couldn't understand the lyrics. She was screaming more than singing. So good riddance. See you on the "American Idol" Tour where I'll be front and center with the flower over my right ear. -There's one thing that really bothers me about "American Idol". How come we never get to see the final vote tally? I understand that they're working under the honor system here, and god forbid they ever got caught lying, but how come we never ever, ever, ever get to see how the final results came out. We do on every other show where there's voting involved, why not this one? How can Jennifer Hudson gets the most votes out of anyone last week, then this week get the fewest, off a performance that was 10 times better than Sinatra Stevens? And please, enough with the Frank Sinatra comparisons, that guy sounds nothing like Frank Sinatra. That's an insult to ol' Blue Eyes. John Stevens doesn't look like him, he can't sing like him, and he certainly doesn't chase nearly enough skirt as Frankie S. once did. One of the greatest tail chasers known to mankind. He and Kobe. -“High School Reunion” is a week away from the finale. Huh? Didn’t we just begin this journey. Don’t you love how Trevor and Amanda have developed this inseparable lust….err….love for each other? Isn’t it magical? And when is this pipsqueak gonna stop with the rose petals in the hot tub already? Good God. We get it. You’re a cheeseball. -Heather the SS’ sole reason for appearing on this show was to ruin Denise and Gabe’s marriage, which has already turned into a divorce. How thrilled do you think she was that in the same episode that Gabe turned down her final hall pass, she got asked to the prom by Lennydork? Yeah, that’ll make Gabe jealous. -Johnny and Louann are two peas in a pod. These two might as well just get married. I mean after all, Louann did tell him, “It’s ironic that we’re standing here looking at the lighthouse on shore and all along you’ve been the lighthouse for me.” Very creative. I would’ve melted if I were Johnny when I heard something that brilliant. -Wait a second. I don’t need Heather the SS flip flopping in her feelings towards Denise. Look ho’, just cuz’ Gabe dumped you doesn’t mean you still can’t go all guns blazing towards Denise. Don’t take Denise’s side on everything. If you wanna hate Gabe, fine. You can hate him. Just hate Denise more like we all do. Kick her in the shin. She deserves it for pulling your hair eleven years ago. -Lennydork thinks Heather the SS is the prettiest girl on the island. Ummmmm….then again, Lennydork hasn’t been within 10 yards of anyone remotely attractive in his life, so I guess he would think that. Louann’s the best looking girl on the show. Of course she is, she’s the homecoming queen. -Have you noticed that every second Trevor and Amanda are with each other, all they do is grope the hell out of the other person? Have you noticed that at all? And now these two are claiming to be in love after knowing each other 10 days? Uh huh. Always happens like that. She’s in love with the fact someone finally likes her, and he’s in love with her fake rack. -Amanda: “I would love to visit you in Austin.” Trevor: “I would love to visit you in Houston.” Amanda: “We should make the most of our last night together. All of it. Mmmmmmm…..Ooooooooohhhhhhh…..” Yeah, they did it. And the WB almost showed it. -Amanda: “How can I not love Trevor?” Well, since you’ve only known him for 13 days might be a start. 13 days and these two are in love. He’ll knock her up, they’ll have a Vegas wedding, and they’ll be divorced within 3 years. Book it. -Not that I’m surprised, but, Louann just flat out dumped her boyfriend of three years that she lives with to get back with a guy she dated 11 years ago and has spent the last 10 days with. Hey, good for Johnny that he pulled that one off, I’m just thinking Louann isn’t 100% sold on this. Take it easy, Johnny Covington. Make sure she doesn’t get back together with fat boy back home. -Since when did Robin the Rack get a boyfriend on “Real World”? Is this that Marine guy she went out on one date with? Now he’s her boyfriend? In what episode did this take place? So I’m guessing that means they consumated their relationship. -Dave is coming to town to visit the helpless Frankie, yet Adam her hookup, is a freak show now and won’t leave her alone. One of the more oddest love triangles you’ll ever encounter: Frankie, Dave, and Adam. -Jamie: “You can tell Frankie and Dave love each other.” How? Because you bought them a whip to use while they’re together? What kind of gift is that? And considering Frankie worked in a porn shop, I’m guessing she’s got about 10 of those lying around. -Frankie to Dave in the throws of passion: “I can’t stand being away from you.” Really? You don’t say? You’ve only called him 4,000 times since you arrived on the show. Even to tell him you had cheated on him with Adam. How considerate of you. Just keep having the sex and don’t let the roommates hear. -When did Jamie become ghetto? “Yeah man, straight up. Straight up.” Huh? You go to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. Who talks like that there? Go buy more sex toys for your roommates. -Frankie has decided since she’s in love with Dave so much, she can no longer talk with Adam. She had fun with him, but it was a one time thing, she’ll leave it at that, and Adam should expect nothing else. Sweet. Now he’s gonna start stalking her. This should be good. This is what probably drives her insane and forces her to leave the show. -Next week Cameran, who professed her undying hatred towards Brad just last week, now is under a sleeping bad kissing him. What a naïve, young, little hottie she is. Brad is still a complete goof, and I’m sure he’s just gonna hold Cameran over until the Miz gets a hold of her at the next Real World/Road Rules Challenge. 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