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WEEK OF 4.4.05
My thoughts on the last week of reality television. Shows include “Survivor”, the “Apprentice”, a possible “American Idol” conspiracy I’ve uncovered, and the “Ashlee Simpson” finale.
-Well, it’s official. The Ulong tribe is by far the worst tribe ever assembled in “Survivor” history. They could be more inept if they tried. I mean, the “Survivor” producers practically gave up on them winning immunity challenges. They said, “Here, let’s give them a replica of the exact puzzle we will use in the challenge, and see if even that helps.” Nope. Not with Bobby Joe Drinkard at the helm. And should anyone really be surprised that someone by the name of Bobby Joe Drinkard was unable to manage putting a puzzle together? Me neither.
-Kinda sad that Stephanie is by far the most physically gifted female this game has ever seen by a long shot, and she ended up on a tribe with a bunch of short bus’ers. I’m convinced James and Bobby Joe couldn’t find their ways out of phone booths if you forced them to. Wow. What incompetence. Which I’m sure means somehow he’ll end up in the finals. Always seems to work that way.
-I think Fireman Tom might be screwed. It’s impossible for him to throw challenges and not show he’s the strongest person out there. And the rest of his ratty tribe is probably going to look down upon that. Outside of Ian, not many people even do anything on that tribe, which is never a good sign. Just means they sit and plot all day on how to eliminate the strong so they can advance based on nothing.
-I’m already bored with Jen and Greg’s relationship. Something tells me one of these two is gonna completely screw over the other one. Up until it happens though, we need more shots of Jen’s dumper than we’ve been getting. The cameramen have gotten lazy in that aspect over the last couple weeks. C’mon boys. Pick it up. What are they paying you to do out there?
-Greg looks like an adult Bobby Brady. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I keep waiting for him to ask Dad how come Peter gets to hog the bathroom all the time. Sorry. I’m completely wandering off course here.
-I was very disappointed in Probst last week. I know he was under the weather, but he wasn’t his usual peppy self. Didn’t yell things during the challenge, was very subdued at Tribal Council. C’mon. Take some Thera-Flu and suck it up, pal. Before you know it, Chris Harrison will have your job and you’ll be on the first flight back to New York to take Regis’ spot. That’s the rumor going around, you know, that Probst will eventually succeed Regis when he retires or takes the “L”.
-So, in the last two weeks of the “Apprentice”, Trump has fired the two hottest remaining women on the show. And my reason for continuing to watch is……..? Don’t know. Haven’t figured that out yet. The only good thing to come out of Erin getting booted two weeks ago is that with her making the rounds in magazine interviews, we were alerted to her website, www.erinelmore.com. Wow. I didn’t read the bio, I didn’t read the resume, nor do I care about the bio or resume. What I did care about was the portfolio. Nobody will ever overtake Larissa Meek from “Average Joe: Hawaii” as the single hottest female reality show contestant. Can’t be done, for two reasons. First, she’s hot. And second, she’s one of the few I’ve seen in person. If you haven’t seen, you can to the “pics” page on the site and check it out. And I’m not joking about her looks. Anyway, Ms. Erin Elmore easily crept into the top three after her performance on the “Apprentice”. Further backed by the pictures on her site. Now, do your Maxim spread before people forget about you. That’s one sexy woman.
-In addition, with Stephanie and Erin being gone, that really puts a damper on who I expected to win this thing. I figured it would be one of those two. But now I guess it’ll either be Tana or Kendra. I know a lot of people like Tana, but she bugs the hell out of me. I don’t know. Just something about her. Then again, I’m the guy who originally said I really thought Anthony Federov was a favorite on “American Idol”. Yikes.
-I think Mark Burnett understands good television when he sees it, which is why Chris the Volcano is still around. Granted, he didn’t curl his lips and make a “V” with his eyebrows in the boardroom last week, but he’s still a couple sandwiches short of a picnic, no doubt. His weekly blowups make the show entertaining at least. I hope they keep him around even though he has no chance at winning. None. Neither do Bren, or Craig. Hence the reason a woman is winning this season.
-Being Italian, I was all for the Mange Meatball pizza. Cheesy name, but hell, the episode worked on me. I ordered Domino’s the second that thing appeared on screen. How could I not? I said, “Yeah, gimmie the Mange Meatball please. With a side of crazy bread and dipping sauce.” I’m sure the guy hadn’t had many calls like that all night. Anyway, a bit of advice for you. Never eat 6 slices of pizza at 10:15 at night. It’s just not something I recommend. You’ll feel like holy hell if you do.
-Ok, so I came across something on “American Idol” last week that I can’t shake and it’s been bothering the hell out of me. Maybe there’s an answer to this out there somewhere, maybe someone else has already noticed this and I’m completely behind, or maybe I’m just a complete idiot and I care way too much about this show. Anyway, here’s my dilemma. I TiVo’ed last week’s episode, so I know I’m not wrong on this. And if any of you still have last weeks on tape, I suggest you do the same. At the end of the show, when they recap the night’s performances by showing that 10 second clip, if you watch closely enough, the clip they showed of Vonzell’s performance was not in the performance we had just seen. Vonzell sang last. Everytime they show the clip of the person who sang last, it’s always the final 10 seconds of their performance. I don’t know that is, but it is. Except if you watch the last 10 seconds of Vonzell’s performance, then watch the 10 second recap they show, it’s not the same.
-I guess my two biggest questions are: Why do they do this? And at what point did Vonzell give another performance so they could grab a different 10 second clip? Did she reshoot the ending of the song? Did she sing the song more than once? I just don’t see what anyone has to gain by all this. Maybe they all perform their songs more than once, but we as the viewers only get to see one of them. Whatever the case, Vonzell sang the ending to Whitney Houston’s “I’ve Got Nothing” at least twice. What is the meaning behind all of this? It may be nothing. I just need to know an answer so I don’t pull anymore of my hair out. And oh yeah, the clip they showed of Anwar was not from his performance either. Not nearly as different as Vonzell’s was, but definitely not taken from his performance. No joke. I’m going nuts over this.
-Apparently Anthony Federov got a little tired of the Clay Aiken references, so he got rid of the one thing that was the only difference between the two- his glasses. And oh yeah, his voice isn’t nearly as good either. What happened to him? He killed it in auditions, but now, well, he’s just not very good.
-Paula was at it again last week. Would somebody take her medication away from her before the cameras start rolling? She was trashed again last week, or so it seemed. Here’s what came out of her mouth after Nikko’s performance. “You did another consecutive great week.” So, if you broke that sentence down, doesn’t that mean, four great weeks in a row. “Another consecutive great week” insinuates he had a great week, followed by a great week, then he repeated that because she said “another consecutive”. So that’s four weeks, right? Paula, there’s only been three episodes since it was narrowed to the final twelve. Stop mixing your Nyquil and your anti-depressants.
-Good to see “Ashlee Simpson” wrap up her 2nd season with a riveting performance in front of a sold out 6,000 seat arena in California. And none were older than 14 years old who couldn’t comprehend what had happened to her. I don’t know if Ashlee is signed on for a third season or not, but I honestly don’t think I could watch another second of that show. Only if they include more Joe Simpson on it. Is there a father in America happier than that guy right now? The best part is, he knows it too and doesn’t mind flaunting the fact he has not only one, but two daughters that are putting gazillions of dollars in his pockets. We need more of him. Why stop at only two “Simpson” reality shows? Make it three and give Joe his own. Good riddance, Ashlee. “On a Monday, I am waiting…On a Tuesday……”
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