RETURN TO THE REALITYROUNDUP INDEX	REALITY ROUNDUP WEEK OF 4.5.04 My thoughts on the last week of reality television…. -I really wanted to check out “The Swan” last night, but with the “Bachelor” on, I couldn’t. I guess I could tape it, but I still haven’t decided if it’s that important. I flipped over during commercial break and I saw someone’s yellow teeth that were spaced out enough that you could park a car between them. That’s all “The Swan” I needed to see before running to the bathroom spitting up all over myself. Maybe I won’t watch. -“High School Reunion” was another classic. Geek Lenny got a make over. Was he wearing a shower cap in the beginning of the show? For what? I know his hair is long, but do guys really wear shower caps? -Louann serves Johnny breakfast in his bed as we’ve come to week three of their date. Hey, how long do these people get a hall pass for? Eternity? I mean, it was soooo obvious they were going to hook up. I’m guessing the producers told her, “Look, we need as much drama as possible. You ain’t leavin’ this date until you cheat on your boyfriend back home. Deal?” -Johnny: “Louann is much more beautiful now than she was in high school.” I sure hope so. Especially with that bright red lipstick she wore all the time and her feathered bangs. I think Darryl Hall was envious of her hair style. -Laura is the chick who just unilaterally decided Lenny was getting a make over. Did you find this rude in that he never had a say in it? Granted, it was much needed and the guy looks 10 times better than he did, but what if he didn’t want to do it? Ever think of that? -Trevor wants to spend a little more time with Amanda so he can grope her. I can’t see why Trevor ever first got the impression that Amanda wanted to be rubbed down. Could it have been her t-shirt 12 sizes too small that read, “Come ‘n’ Get It!” on it? Naaaahhhh. Couldn’t be. If someone out there with fake breasts like those, wears a shirt like that and doesn’t let you massage them in a hot tub covered in rose petals, they should be arrested for “public humiliation”. -Back to Johnny and Louann, she’s really testing me right now. She had the nerve to tease this guy with, “How bad do you want to kiss me right now?” What the hell kind of question is that? Is she fishing for compliments? Is she that insecure? Of course the guy wants to kiss you. The guy wants you to have his baby. -There are a couple people they really haven’t focused on at all. The single mother is one of them (can’t remember her name), and Jeralyn “The Wallflower”. What’s that? Anyone going to explain this to us? I guess Jeralyn needs to wait her turn. -It’s happened. Louann finally gives in and gives it to Johnny. I guarantee he’s the happiest guy on the face of the earth right now, and she’s about to become the biggest basket case to deal with. Guaranteed. She’ll start feeling guilty about the boyfriend back home who’s not there to defend himself, and Johnny will get upset. You’re feeling bad, Louann? Then maybe you shouldn’t have kissed the guy. Just maybe. -And for as much as they built up that first kiss, I’ve seen and done better. But then again, he did get to spend his 400th night in a row with her and lay pipe, so I guess it’s all good for Johnny. What does he care how the kiss went? He got laid. -So Lenny gets the make over because he gets a hall pass and doesn’t know who to ask out. So he asks Stacy, one of the sophomore sluts, and she happily accepts. Of course she does. There’d be no show if she didn’t. But I did notice she had a big drink in her hand when he picked her up before the big date to Dave & Buster’s. Fun place. They have video game there that I couldn’t master if I played them everyday. What happened to “Tempest”, and “Dig Dug”, and “Tapper”? Games I was actually good at where all I needed was a joystick and one button. If that. -Denise and Louann are making fun of the fact that Amanda (Trevor’s slam), has had a nose and boob job. Well, when I played “Real or Fake?” watching the show last week, there was no doubt Amanda’s weren’t real. And even if there was some debate, I’m sure Trevor would sort things out for us. He knows the real answer. -I understand Lenny’s a geek, and has been for the last 10 years. But did we really need to hear him say at least seven times during the episode, “I never in a million years would’ve ever thought about asking someone as beautiful as Stacy out”. Ok, we get it. She’s completey out of your league and she’s only saying yes because the cameras are on and she doesn’t want to look like a complete bitch. -Heather, one of the other SS’s, decides to grab Gabe’s attention, she’ll fake a miscarriage. No, that was Denise 10 years ago. My bad. No, Heather’s just gonna take off all her clothes and go skinny dipping. Amanda and her fake breasts joined her. Good scene. We all enjoyed it. Thank you very much. But I thought the whole point to skinny dipping is to not cover up the parts that are showing skin. Of course the WB won’t show it, but just for your roommates sakes, uncover yourselves women. -Next week, Heather will just show Gabe all the goods up close when she gets another hall pass. I mean, they’re forcing drama to happen here. Gabe better impregnate somebody other than his ex-wife soon so things get even juicier. -Something’s really bothering me about “American Idol”. We never, never, never get to see a tally of the votes and who got what percentage. Isn’t that pretty easy to rig something like that if the audience is never getting to see their votes? They can position it so the people THEY think should be in the finals are in, and those that aren’t, aren’t. Outside of, “What’s up dawg!”, “Yee-uh!”, and “Aii-ght”, Randy Jackson loves throwin’ out, “You were a little pitchy in that song.” Look, I’m no singing coach, nor do I claim to play one on the internet, but I thought Jasmine Trias was fine this week. She sings 10 times better than JPL or John Stevens, yet she gets the 2nd fewest votes of the night. Makes a whole lotta sense. She better win this thing or I’m raising hell. Ok, maybe not. -I love how we got the “On a very special ‘Real World’…..” episode on Monday night. Dr. Drew comes on before the show to throw out the disclaimer about what we’re going to see is a very serious issue. Frankie’s a cutter. And thank you to the numerous people who emailed me last week to fill me in on what that was. I guess I could’ve figured it out eventually, but I’m glad you were all there for me. -Frankie fesses up and tells her Tommy Lee boyfriend back home “I got drunk and kissed somebody.” Who would’ve ever thought drinking could lead to bad decision making? That’s never an excuse women use. Especially someone as stable and grounded as Frankie. Shocked. -Jamie, however, she’s a smart cookie. She was the first one on to Frankie. She saw Frankie upset, saw her walk into her room crying, and saw her come out of the room with a knife in her hand. Which led to this conclusion, “Frankie’s a cutter.” Brilliance at work. Jamie has a career in private investigating once this season ends. -However, I do give credit Frankie for one of the more clever cover ups I’ve ever heard. We got this exchange. Jamie: “Frankie, what were you doing in there with that knife?” Frankie: “I was just cutting the tags off one of my pants.” With a knife? Don’t people usually use scissors in that scenario? Frankie’s a terrible liar. -So the female Real Worlders decide to pull a Bailey Salinger “Party of Five” Intervention on Frankie. This does not go well. Especially since Juggs Robin hates Frankie yet decides to give her input. Frankie immediately lays down the law about how this meeting will go. “The second someone puts judgment on me, I’m in the car.” Gee, this is going to go swimmingly. Glad Frankie has an open mind about this. -She says she’s “cut” 4 times in the last 3 years. Yeah, I’m sure of that. And one of those times happened to be on TV for all of America to see. Frankie: “I don’t want to change. This is who I am.” This is all more evidence that the rumor about Frankie leaving the show before the season ends makes all the sense in the world. This chick obviously is in need to some help. A lot more help than Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew can give her too. And oh yeah, that bogus doctor they made her go see. I don’t have a good feeling about Frankie. -Of course, when the show ended, we got the ever-so-popular closing statement you’ll get on any one of these “issue” shows. “If you or someone you know…..” Thanks Dr. Drew. You’re the best. Considering I barely knew what cutting was last week, I will definitely be more aware of it now. Return to the realitysteve.com home page
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