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WEEK OF 7.12.04
Thoughts on the last week of reality television, including “Who Wants to Marry My Da Da?”, “Last Comic Standing”, “Joe Schmo 2”, “Ultimate Love Test”, “Outback Jack”, and a few other random thoughts…..
-We’re only two weeks away before the Okland daughters get to pick their new mommy. Do you think anyone will be crying at that ceremony? I think it’s safe to say that you only make it on this show if the sight of a butterfly makes you cry. But the amazing thing is, the way all these women’s faces have been stretched, pulled, and tucked, you would think their tear ducts wouldn’t be functional by now. But no sir. Those things are on full blast.
-Whose vows did you like the best? I couldn’t remember a damn thing any of them said since it took them each five minutes to get through it, but I know whose I didn’t like: Stacy’s. And she’s the one that won. Maybe it’s not so much what she said, but how she said it. Why does she only talk using the bottom of her mouth? That was annoying. And she really never smiled during the whole reading. Other than that, she was great.
-I loved Marty’s reaction when he saw all of them in their wedding dresses for the first time. It went something like this: for Suzanne, “Wow! You look beautiful!”. For Melanie, “Wow! You look beautiful”. For Marilyn, “Wow! You look beautiful!”. For Stacy, “Wow! You look beautiful!”. He’s quite the man with words.
-And who told Melanie that wedding dress she picked was acceptable? I think he booted her just for that? That was a freakin’ cocktail dress she’d wear to the bar to try and pick up on the older guys with the money. Who wears a wedding dress with the cleavage cut down the middle of the dress? I’m no expert on wedding dresses, all I know is that if my future wife was walking down the aisle in that, I might ask the priest to put a rain check on the whole thing. Yucko.
-Did I already tell you how glad I was that Ant was gone from the house? I didn’t really know if I made that clear from last week. It should come as no surprise that Jay London lost out to Gary Gulman, who I think now might be one of the favorites, along with John Heffron and Cory Holcomb. Jay’s style is funny in small doses, but could you honestly watch a whole ½ hour, to an hour stand-up of that? I don’t think so.
-John Heffron might have the better material of anyone left in the house, but remember, you have to impress an audience, and Gary’s likability and good looks, and smooth style seem to go over well with audiences. And I remember last season, the only guy who got challenged twice was Dat Phan, and he ended up winning the thing. Next week is the last week before the final five, so if Tammy or John don’t get challenged and win, Gary will be the only guy to win twice. That could be a good sign.
-Good news and bad news on next week’s show: All four people who’ve been eliminated get to come back, so at least we get to see Todd Glass again. On the flip side, that means more Ant too. Maybe Todd will throw down with Ant for no reason whatsoever. Just as long as Ant doesn’t get to do any sort of stand-up, that’ll be fine with me.
-Remember last season, when the challenge occurred, the two challengers would both be on stage while the other was performing, and the rest of the house would be over to the side watching? Why aren’t they doing that this year? All they know is that Gary beat Ant, and Gary beat Jay London, but they don’t know anything about his act. Kinda takes away a little of the strategy if you ask me, but what do I know?
-The new girl, Amanda, on “Joe Schmo 2” might be just as clueless as Tim. These episodes are getting better and better. Obviously, the whole “Ingrid’s Grandpa dying” was a play off of Johnny Fairplay’s act in “Survivor: Marqueses”. But the challenges they have these people doing, I can’t believe some of them can keep a straight face. The one where Cammy had to raise Tim’s heart rate by talking dirty to him? Holy sh**. My heart went up about 40 beats a minute just listening to it. Is he gay or something? It went up 14 beats a minute? That’s it? I had to cover my shorts with the couch pillow watching that.
-And did anyone get suspicious whatsoever when Austin’s “dad” was taking body shots off camera and practically making out with her? I think that might have triggered something in my brain, but that’s just me. You know Amanda will never think anything’s up because she’s way too nice, and not nearly as skeptical as Ingrid. I read a profile on Ingrid and it said she’s a recovering alcoholic, so she’s never really been one to trust others and has always been skeptical towards anything. Which makes sense, but then why’d they pick her in the first place?
-Believe it or not, I’m having a real hard time keeping my eyes open anymore during the “Ultimate Love Test”. Worse yet, I’m too lazy now to even read up what happens after the fact. All I know is Urkel/Hammer decided to go home and give the chance at $100,000 because his bitchy girlfriend was getting upset. If ANY couple I thought was a mortal lock to not make it out of this show still together, it was those two. Who would want to be with someone as controlling as her? No thanks. But then again, he’s Urkel/Hammer. Maybe he doesn’t know any better.
-However, I don’t think many of you care I only dedicated one paragraph to “Ultimate Love Test” since I’ve taken a look at the ratings. Horrible. Nobody’s watching it. It’s like the 78th most watched show on a weekly basis. That’s never good. Yet, they’ll order up more and more seasons of that god awful “Simple Life”. That show I just don’t get. Completely unfunny, waaaaaaaay more scripted than you think, and Nicole Ritchie’s butt ugly. Other than that, it’s great.
-Ummmmmm…..I still haven’t seen “Outback Jack”. I can’t imagine there are many episodes left, are there? I’m sorry. My reality plate is full through Tuesday night. I guess I could tape it, but, I’ve already missed 3 or 4 episodes, I could be too late. We’ll see. I’ll figure something out. But from now on, I won’t tease you in the beginning by saying I have thoughts on it when I really don’t. If I don’t mention it in the opening paragraph, I didn’t watch it.
-These reality shows are starting to get out of control. “Wife Swap” begins soon, and now NBC and ABC are pissed at Fox saying every time they come up with a new reality show, Fox comes up with the same idea, and puts theirs out earlier. Everyone seems to hate Fox now. Not me. I must be in the minority. They put out the real smutty, dirty, reality shows. Nothing wrong with that. To combat “Wife Swap”, they got something like, “Who’s Your Daddy?” coming out where two families switch fathers. I probably won’t watch it because, eventually, you know it’s only temporary. Now, if you took two fathers and switched them FOREVER, now that might get interesting.
-Don’t we all watch these shows to see what happens in the long run? If two families are swapping moms and dads for say two weeks, but are eventually going back to their respective families, where’s the intrigue in that? Of course there’s gonna be disagreements and different philosophies when a new mom comes in, but that’s basically what having a stepmom is like. I don’t get it. Shows like that don’t hold my interest.
-No different than “Simple Life”. Two spoiled beyotches going to places they wouldn’t be caught dead in otherwise and having to do odd jobs they’d normally never do. And what happens? They hate it, they whine, they complain. Then after two weeks, they go back to their normal life of riches, and will never return to ever see any of those families or people again. Who cares? Drop Paris and Nicole in Arkansas for the rest of their life and take all their money away, and then throw the cameras on them. I’ll watch that. Can you imagine how quickly Paris would be bootlegging more at home sex tapes? And you might want to make up Nicole’s bed at the local rehab after about a week. She’d never make it.
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