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WEEK OF 8.1.05
Wow. It's been a while. Glad to be back. We've got a lot to cover. If you haven't seen, I've added an "Interviews" section to the website. To try and expand my horizons, I'm starting to conduct interviews with reality TV contestants. The first one is with Katie Doyle, from the "Real World/Road Rules Challenges". She was on "Road Rules 10", the "Gauntlet", "Inferno", "Battle of the Sexes 2", and just got finished filming the "Gauntlet 2". Maybe you'll know her best from her screaming matches with Veronica. I'm going to try and make these interviews as free flowing and humorous as possible. So not your standard email interviews that you see most places. And if you go check out Katie's interview, she's very candid about...well...pretty much everything. Hopefully there will be more in the future.
Anyway, a lot of shows to get to considering I haven't written since the "Bachelor 7" ended. For those that don't know, "Bachelor 8" won't begin airing until January 2006 and it's being filmed in Paris. Bad idea. Now we're going back to the traditional rose ceremonies, the unrealistic dates, and I'm guessing the cheese factor will be turned up 1,000 times with the filming taking place in a romantic city like Paris. ABC has still yet cast who the next bachelor will be, but who can blame them? The season is still five months away from airing. Let me guess, the final proposal will be on the Eiffel Tower? Gee, never saw that one coming. So up until then, it looks like we'll just be updating the "Reality Roundup" and "Interviews" section of the website. There won't be set dates as to when things are updated, you'll just have to keep checking back. If I can somehow get on a set schedule, I will most certainly let everyone know. Let's begin....
AMERICAN IDOL FINALE
-I know. I know. "Steve, that finale was in May." Yeah, but I never got around to writing about it. But as you can expect, I was very pleased with the outcome. And purchased Carrie's single, I think, four seconds after it went up on Amazon.com. And last time I checked, I still was straight. Anyway, I think Carrie over Bo was expected just because I think she's a little more marketable. She has the look, she can sing her ass off, Bo was just Bo. Hell, afterwards he even said he was glad he didn't win because the "American Idol" label really didn't fit his persona. Which is understandable. He would've had to put out songs that they wrote for him, that they produced for him, and that didn't really seem to be what he was after.
-I think my favorite part of the finale was right when they announced Carrie as the winner, the cameras panned to the audience to show her family in the front row. And they're all standing up clapping for her and on the screen it says "Carrie's Family"....even though the family they shot was Bo's! Uhhhhh....oops. You might want to pan to the right family next time people. This is kind of a big moment.
-As for our good friend Paula Abdul, Fox has said that she is most definitely coming back for next season, but I wouldn't be too sure about that. Corey Clark finally gave in and agreed to help Fox with their current investigation into he and Paula's alleged relationship. If they do end up finding out what we know is true, I think they'll pull her from the broadcast. However, auditions start soon around the country, so unless they come to a conclusion soon, our favorite pill popper with the bad back, looks like she’ll be back in her chair yet again. Boooooooo…..
THE APPRENTICE
-Gee, and I was over this show once last season ended with Kendra winning. I wonder how she’s doing on her new job? I’m sure she’s gotten a ton of responsibilities and is up to her neck in meaningless paperwork and selfless promotions for Mr. Trump. Yeah, like they’re gonna put her in charge of remodeling some mansion. Uh huh. I bet ever since the show ended, she’s done autograph signings, put all of her boyfriends pictures up in her 10 x 15 cubicle next to Mr. Trump’s assistants desk, and stamped Mr. Trump’s signature on a bunch of formal letters he had to mail. Job well done, Kendra. Soon enough you’ll be cleaning out the coffee filter.
-Just when you think we’ve had enough of the “Apprentice”, we get not only one version this season, but two! And on back-to-back nights! Yippeee! There hasn’t been a television show that’s jumped the shark quicker than this one has. It’s going to be the same remedial tasks, coupled with the same bad sound editing, coupled with the Donald being the Donald….all times two. Because Martha Stewart gets her show on Wed. night. Who in their right mind would watch both of those shows? Either you’re gonna watch one or the other right? And since Martha Stewart has the personality of my left shoe, I guess I’ll watch Trump again. God help me.
BEAUTY AND THE GEEK
-Easily one of the best shows of the summer. Although Richard was just a little too much some of the time…ok…all of the time, I could put that past me. Funny show, semi-hot girls, a doofus host, and $250 grand at stake. What more could you ask for? Although I question whether or not some of the girls were actually that dumb. C’mon. Don’t you think some of them played it up for the camera just a little bit? Hell, I only remember a couple of their names now anyway, but geez, by the way they acted, a couple of them were struggling to hit double digits in IQ points.
-I love how all the beauties pretty much admitted by the end of their experience that they’re superficial beyotches who judged all these guys in the beginning by their looks. But as the show went on, they actually grew to like them. Of course, when you put them back in the real world, unless they’re doing a promotion or something together, I’m guessing Mindi is never going clubbing with Richard. But hey, that’s just me.
-Speaking of Mindi, she didn’t end up a loser in this thing after all. No, no, no. Yeah, she may have lost out on the money because Richard didn’t know her middle name, but she got herself a nice parting gift since the show ended. A boyfriend! And not just any boyfriend, a real popular one. Well, in his eyes at least. No, it’s not one of the geeks, don’t worry. No Mindi even took it a step further and is now dating the host, Brian McFayden. So, I guess maybe she is dating one of the geeks. Damn, and this whole time I actually thought Mindi was one of the brighter ones on the show. Guess not. What’s Brain McFayden going to do for her career? And here’s a shocker: She quit school back in Missouri, has moved to L.A., and is looking to be in the entertainment business. No way! You’re kidding, right? Good luck, Mindi. I hope the three months you and Brian are together will give you memories that’ll last forever. We’re all behind you.
HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME
-My only question about this show is “How come no one thought of this sooner?” This was pure brilliance. Where do I begin? Let’s start with our multi-talented host, Vernon Kay. Where did they find this douchebag? Talk about untalented. How hard was it to come out every week, read off your cue cards, ask the same question after every performance, “So what has Flock of Seagulls been up to?”, then give us the results. Wow. And this guy is some sort of popular veejay overseas? Damn, I should pack my bags and head over there then. I think my favorite “Vernon-ism” is when right before every act, he’d scream the group, or soloists, name. “All right, time to give it up for Arrested Developmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeent!”, “Here she is singing, ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’, it’s Tiffaniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!”. How bad was this guy?
-Speaking of Tiffanie, sure she may have packed on a few lbs, but she looked pretty good. Couldn’t sing a lick, but c’mon let’s be honest, were we expecting any of these groups to knock our socks off? I don’t think so. Hell, they were one-hit wonders to begin with for the most part. I don’t think any recording contract was coming after these performances. I do remember one performance imparticular, Irene Cara, who almost had a heart attack on stage. Not only could she barely keep up to the words of her own song, she damn near ran outta breath on stage. That was special.
-There were two moments during my reality tv watching this summer that absolutely might have been the funniest things I’ve seen in years. And one of them happened on this show. It was during one of these episodes that I truly came to the conclusion that there is a God out there. And he has a damn good sense of humor. Tell me that wasn’t Wang Chung singing Nelly’s “Hot in Herrrre”. That happened right? I wasn’t dreaming, was I? The group that brought us that puke inducing “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” actually took the time to butcher one of Nelly’s best songs? Wow. You couldn’t have scripted that any better. Funniest Reality Show Moment of the Summer #1. We’ll get to #1A a little bit later. It’s a doozy.
-I loved how the producers on that show dealt with the crowd too. You know everybody that was there was bussed in because they won some sort of raffle or promotion. And I’m guessing the producers speech to them before the cameras started rolling went something like this: “Ok, everybody listen up! We go on the air in 5 minutes! Places people! Ok, the minute you hear the music and the intro start, everyone start screaming your heads off. Once the host comes out and starts talking, don’t stop. Just keep screaming even though all he’s doing is going over who’s on the show. Then once these performers come on, take it up another ten notches to the point where maybe you start popping blood vessels in your head. Yeah, I know. I know. Howard Jones may be boring, but please people, make him feel welcome. Scream like there’s no tomorrow. Ok, take your places. We’re on the air in 10..9…8…”
-I think one final thing I learned from “Hit Me Baby One More Time” was this. And maybe I shouldn’t be admitting this, but what the hell. If anytime I’m at a party, or a club, or a concert, and out of nowhere Tommy Tutone’s “867-5309” comes on, I realized I’m going to start lip synching it. Catchy f***in song, I tell ya’.
DANCING WITH THE STARS
-By far, my favorite show of the summer. And really only because of two words: Kelly Monaco. Holy schmoly. Where the hell have they been hiding this piece all these years? On a soap opera? Please. Who watches soap operas? Women do. So why are some of the hottest women on those shows? Makes no sense. Anyway, this was Kelly Monaco’s coming out party (although she was a Playmate of the month back in 1997. No, of course I haven’t seen it), and I expect her to start appearing on more of ABC Television programming. If they don’t, they’re idiots.
-I mean, already there’s rumors that the finale was rigged to give her more attention, since she’s on a soap show on ABC, and that they’re thinking of putting her on “Desperate Housewives”, another ABC show. Whatever the case, I’ll say this: I haven’t seen ten seconds of “Desperate Housewives”, but if ABC decides to throw her on that show to just start sleeping with everyone’s husband in the neighborhood, I’m all for it, and I’ll be tuned in every week. You can count on that. So was it rigged? Hell if I know. But it’s not that far fetched to think that it was. Especially if we see her popping up on the networks most popular show in the future.
-As for the show itself, it definitely had its cheese moments, and some of the costumes were a little too much (Kelly’s partner danced in an Aquaman outfit in Week 4), but the show did provide the 2nd funniest Reality Show Moment of the summer. It could be considered #1A, although Wang Chung’s rendition of “Hot in Herrrre” is tough to beat. But Evander Holyfield trying to do ANY dance was flat out pure comedy. What the hell was he doing on this show? I mean, you can understand the other five that were cast. Not him. I mean, there had to be some sort of provision in his contract that guaranteed him sex, right? No way he embarrasses himself like he did if there wasn’t some sort of guarantee he could impregnate one, if not two, of the dancers, does he? It was surreal watching this guy dance. Not the most limber fella’ in the world. But I’m sure his partner took the brunt of it. He had to have crushed her.
-Remember, I told you in the last “Reality Roundup” I wrote back in May, that this show was going to be a hit. And so far, it’s been the highest rated new show that’s been on all summer. Which of course is why they’ve brought it back for next season. And I’ve heard tons of stars are lining up to try and get on. That’s great. And ABC will end up probably casting Riddick Bowe or Lennox Lewis as one of our dancers.
-Did anyone else get the sense that Joey McIntyre and his partner were boinking on the side? I mean, he took her home to meet his family, didn’t he? No other couple did that. I just got that sense that there was more going on there that met the eye. Then again, I could just be jumping to conclusions like I usually do. Whatever the case, the judges seemed to be harder on him than anyone else. Maybe because he didn’t keep his upper body stiff enough. Maybe because he didn’t include enough twirls and dips in his routine. Or maybe it was because they were still pissed at him that N.K.O.T.B. split up earlier than they should’ve.
AVERAGE JOE
-I will say this for this dying series: Anna was probably the most genuine female they’ve had on. And no, not because she picked the geek over the hunk. I just felt she actually wasn’t on the show to further her career. Granted, she will probably get some attention after this, but, it didn’t seem like that was her full intention. Of course, next thing we know, she’ll probably be spread eagle in some skin rag and I’ll be wrong. Let’s hope not.
-I think this series has pretty much run its course. What more that they can do? I think they got their wish with the Anna choosing Nathan. And you could see that coming a mile away considering the way they kept promoting, “Can the underdog win over Anna?” They made it a little obvious. The fact that Rocky was about as sharp as a beach ball didn’t help his cause either. And I don’t know if you know this, but Rocky is a dreamer. Wasn’t sure if you caught that. He’s goin’ places.
-For those that don’t know, this version of “Average Joe” was filmed a year ago, so Anna and Nathan were not allowed to see each other until it aired. Obviously, they are not together anymore. Nathan actually is living with a girlfriend that he met before he did the show. Anyway, the point being, it’s kinda tough to do something like that and expect these two to actually stay together. Just because Anna chose Nathan didn’t mean she was head over heels in love with him, didn’t mean she expected everyone watching to stay with him the rest of her life. I think her choice of Nathan was more of a shot at Rocky for being a doofus than it was for Nathan being such a great catch. Whatever the case, Anna and Nathan still keep in touch, the finale wasn’t fixed, but due to not being able to see each other for a year, there was no way it was going to work out.
-It is kinda funny though that she picked Nathan, even though she had dumped him earlier in the show. So are you saying just because he looks better now that he had a makeover, he’s worthy of your company? That I didn’t really understand. How else does Nathan take that? “Well, she dumped me. But now that my appearance looks better, she likes me.” Yeah, like Nathan’s gonna complain. He’s never even had a hottie like Anna even look in his direction before, let alone talk to him. I’m sure he was thrilled with the outcome.
-This was one show, however, where I was completely wrong about who the main person would choose. When it was down to the final five in Tahiti, I thought the final two would be the two Josh’s. Josh the 5’2” geek, and blonde Josh from Las Vegas, who put on one of the more memorable crying sessions in recent memory. What was that? Has he stopped blubbering yet? What’s worse, him crying for 30 minutes straight, or Rocky making sounds a cat would make after he got dumped? That was brutal.
-Next week, I’ll return to cover my new favorite reality show in all of television, “Laguna Beach”, along with a few others. Be sure to check out the first installment of the “Interviews” page, with Katie Doyle from the “Real World/Road Rules Challenge”. Until next week…..
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